On the Job, Their Way

Woow! The local Minnesota newspaper(Startribune) ran an interesting story about working Somali women. So, I have decided to publish the story here so that my Somali readers around the glope will read it and know what is happeninig here in Minnesota, USA.

On the job, their way
By CHRIS SERRES, Star Tribune

June 15, 2008

Fatuma Hassan has just enough rice in her near-empty cupboards to make it through the month. The anger she felt when she lost her job in May has given way to a dull, nagging hunger.

Yet this soft-spoken 22-year-old became an unlikely hero within the Somali community when she and five of her Muslim co-workers were dismissed last month from the Mission Foods tortilla factory in New Brighton for refusing to wear a new company uniform -- a shirt and pants -- they consider a violation of their Islamic beliefs.

"For me, wearing pants is the same as being naked," Hassan said, noting the prophet Mohammed taught that men and women should not dress alike. "My culture, my religious beliefs, are more important than a uniform."

Over the past century, Minnesota has seen waves of immigrants from Germany, Sweden, Norway and Laos, among other nations, and each group managed to move up the ladder of prosperity despite some initial doubts about their ability to integrate.

Yet nearly two decades after a violent civil war brought thousands of Somali refugees to the Twin Cities, their integration in the U.S. workplace is becoming more contentious.

Their insistence on maintaining Muslim traditions, including prayer times and modest clothing, have led to firings at several manufacturers across the state and a sharp increase in religious discrimination complaints.

The well-publicized clashes also have sparked legal and ethical debates on whether efficiency-hungry workplaces are doing enough or defiant workers are accommodating too little.

"For the average Minnesotan, this is entirely new," said Bruce Corrie, an economist at Concordia University in St. Paul who specializes in immigration research. "The Somali community is highly assertive and politically engaged. ... It's part of who they are as a people."

But the root cause of the persistent tension is more about economics than culture or religion, say some immigration experts.

Unlike their counterparts from other parts of the Muslim world, a disproportionate percentage of recent Somali immigrants have taken lower-level assembly line jobs where accommodations for religious practices are seen as an impediment to productivity.

Twenty-three percent of Somali workers in Minnesota work in manufacturing jobs, well above the 16 percent for the population as a whole, according to the 2000 U.S. Census. And one-quarter of Somalis in the state over the age of 25 have less than a ninth-grade education, a rate five times higher than the overall population, according to census data.

"We have a saying in Somalia that 'he who approaches the lion does not know what a lion is,'" said Abdi Sheikhosman, a professor of Islamic law at the University of Minnesota. "Many Somalis arrive here not knowing the history of racial divide in this country. They don't know the lion they are up against."

Bias complaints rising

Of course, the melting pot that is the United States has always had immigration clashes. "In places that have successions of immigrant groups, the latest one is always seen as the worst of all," said Roger Daniels, a history professor at the University of Cincinnati and author of several books on American immigration policy and history. "There were 'argumentative Jews' and 'noisy Italians.' ... The newcomers are never like the ones that we've learned how to accommodate."

Hmong immigrants from Laos faced religious conflicts when they began arriving in the Twin Cities in the late 1970s. Their use of spiritual healers before medical procedures upset some doctors, and their practice of sacrificing animals (including dogs, pigs and chickens) during home religious ceremonies ran afoul of some local laws.

Yet disputes involving Hmong immigrants have been less publicized and have largely not interfered with their daily work life.

The Somali experience is closest to that of Orthodox Jews at the turn of the century, said Donna Gabaccia, director of the Immigration History Research Center at the University of Minnesota. Jews also had distinctive food taboos ("kosher" only), clothing (women wore wigs to cover their hair) and their own schedule of religious holidays.

Religious discrimination complaints nationally have nearly doubled since the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks -- a reflection, some argue, of the heightened state of anxiety and fear concerning Muslims. In Minnesota, Muslims filed 45 religious discrimination cases with the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission in 2007, up from just eight in 2004. The EEOC does not break down this data by ethnicity.

And many of the more publicized disputes in the area -- including Target cashiers who declined to scan pork and cabdrivers refusing to transport passengers with alcohol -- never made it to an EEOC filing.

"After 9/11, there was a growing sense among Muslims that they had to stand together, at least to oppose unjustified actions," said Thomas Berg, a law professor at the University of St. Thomas.

For Abdisalam Adam, director of the Dar Al-Hijrah Cultural Center in Minneapolis and an imam at an area mosque, the issue goes beyond 9/11 to cultural differences. "You would think this would have been more of an issue in 1993 or 1994," when Somalis started arriving in the Twin Cities in large numbers, he said. "But now, Somalis and employers have gotten to know each other, and the situation is only getting worse."

Many Somalis come from tribes that move with their herds every six months in a constant search for safe grazing land, Sheikhosman said. Many of these nomads are fiercely independent and equate freedom with being left alone, he said.

Sheikhosman said that each time he returns to Somalia to visit his relatives, he is struck by "the general chaos of the place," he said. At a Somali airport counter, he said, the only way to be served is to yell and push one's way through a crowd.

"Imagine that a person comes coming from that environment is suddenly subjected to all these regulations and rules" in the workplace, he said. "He may think these are an intrusion to the freedom that he had at home. He's not afraid to take a stand."

Combined with this nomadic sense of independence is a belief that faith and life are interconnected, and that religious practices should not be confined to a particular hour or day of the week, said Adam of the Dar Al-Hijrah Cultural Center.

Many of the religious discrimination complaints revolve around the Islamic prayer schedule. Praying five times a day is one of the essential pillars of Islam, but prayer times vary daily, based on the times of sunrise and sunset. In July, the difference between the afternoon and sunset prayers can be four hours apart; in December, it's just two hours.

The changing prayer times can be disruptive to assembly-line manufacturers that maintain assigned break schedules and can't afford to have their workers leave their work stations at unscheduled times. Many Somalis argue that their prayers take no longer than a bathroom break, yet bathroom breaks aren't prohibited.

In 2005, 16 workers at Celestica's circuit-board manufacturing plant in Arden Hills were fired or suspended for taking unauthorized breaks at sunset. The changing Islamic prayer schedule was a key reason.

Faysal Haliye, 43, a Somali refugee and former Celestica employee, said he was heading to the company's prayer room -- a room where each day for two years he dutifully prayed toward Mecca -- when a manager stood near the entrance and ordered him to return to his post as a machine operator.

"I had been praying my whole life and wanted to continue praying my whole life," he said. "No one had ever told me not to [pray] before."

Haliye and 22 other workers have since filed a class action lawsuit against Celestica, accusing the company of religious discrimination. The suit is pending.

The Mission Foods clash has also led to a lawsuit. The Council on American-Islamic Relations, a civil rights group, filed a religious discrimination complaint on behalf of the women with the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.

Mission Foods had implemented the new dress code for all factory workers and told its Muslim workers that their traditional clothing was too loose-fitting and posed a safety hazard near machines.

Strength in numbers

Muslim religious leaders, or imams, play a significant leadership role in the Somali immigrant community and are often sought out for advice on how to behave in the workplace. Imams were vocal supporters of the Somali taxi drivers who, last year, attracted nationwide controversy for refusing to transport alcohol-toting customers from the airport.

And Hassan had to cut short an interview to meet an imam to discuss the situation, along with the five other workers from the Mission plant.

Another key difference with Somalis is that many of them have vague hopes of returning to their country one day when the fighting stops and thus may see assimilation as less of a priority than those who intend to settle down, Sheikhosman added.

"When a Somali goes home, he knows the first question he will be asked is whether he's been Americanized," he said. "Your mother and your brother will want to know if you're still praying five times a day."

Somalis' growing numbers have helped embolden them, Corrie added. In 2006, the U.S. Census Bureau estimated that Minnesota was home to 24,430 people of Somali descent. But immigrant groups say the Somali population may be two or three times that number, because many Somalis are illiterate and don't respond to census surveys.

"With numbers comes strength," Corrie said. "There is now a critical mass of Somalis for them to mobilize and for their voice to be heard."

Even so, the notion that Somalis are somehow predisposed to resist authority strikes Mary Marsden, owner of Marsden Building Maintenance, a janitorial firm in St. Paul, as absurd.

About 300 of Marsden's 1,600 employees in the Twin Cities are immigrants from East Africa nations such as Somalia, Ethiopia and Kenya. Yet after more than two decades of employing Somalis, Marsden can count the number of disputes on one hand.

On a few occasions, Somali male workers complained about having to take orders from female managers. And once, as violence in Somalia intensified, a fight broke out on a job site between members of separate warring clans. The company held a training session on how to get along in the workplace, and the fighting stopped.

Marsden's biggest concern was how clients would react when they came upon Muslim janitors kneeling for prayer -- particularly in the heightened climate of anxiety after the 9/11 terrorist attacks. To prevent surprises, Marsden has assigned prayer spaces at many of its work sites.

"They are very loyal workers," Marsden said. "We wouldn't employ them unless it made good business sense."

Chris Serres • 612-673-4308

© 2008 Star Tribune. All rights reserved.

Somali Domestic Violence

People who are close to one another need to trust each other. We Somali should trust our parents not to hurt us, and to give us what we need to grow. Boys and girls should trust each other, as well as men and women. When someone is abused, the trust is broken. Maxaa dhacayna!

Domestic violence is the use of physical force within a home in any form of abuse. Abuse can be a whole range of physical behaviour, slapping, hitting, beating, spitting,afalagaadeen, or using weapons to hurt someone. It includes verbal and emotional abuse, where someone is constantly insulted and made to feel sad and worthless. Alla yaa naga qabta kuwaas

It can also include rape and sexual abuse. Sexual abuse is when someone forces another to have sexual intercourse, anaaba arkaye or do other sexual things against their will. Another form of abuse is total control where one adult makes all the decisions for another person or for a whole family. Yaa kuu xirey shaarkii Siyad Bare waryaa

Family violence may start with an argument or even a fight, but it goes way beyond fighting. Some abusers were beaten as children, and others saw their parents use violence, iyo qoryo jaad ah oo la raamsado. Some abusers are uncomfortable with feelings like sadness, embarrassment, hurt, or even love. Waan ku jeclahey kulahaa

When these people have these feelings, they get angry, and then they get violent oo jin baa ku soo dega. Some abusers get violent when they run out of words, and some are drunk, and others eat xashiish ay Amxaarada ku soo tufeen. Some abusers are jealous, mentally ill, or feel overwhelmed by problems. Waxaba kuuma hayo miskiin anaaba nafteyda u yaabsan

Some are just mean. One thing all forms of family violence share is how they start. A desire to have control leads to the violence. Every year, at least many Somali women are physically, sexually, or psychologically abused by their husbands or common law partners.

Throughout much of the history of old civilization, deep-seated cultural beliefs allowed women only limited roles in society. Many people believed that women’s natural roles were as mothers and wives, iyo guryo la iska jiifo. These people considered women to be better suited for childbearing and homemaking rather than for involvement in the public life of business or politics. Sax waaye iskas fadhiya kobtiina oo iska raaxeysta.

Widespread belief that women were intellectually inferior to men led most societies to limit women’s education to learning domestic skills. Well-educated, upper-class Somali men controlled most positions of employment and power in society. Welise maba arag nin wax yaqaana oo waan maqlaa uun.

Traditionally, Somali female family members existed only in terms of their relationships to men. As daughters, subject to the control and whim of fathers, women represented a means of economic or political gain through marital arrangements. As wives, they became their husbands’ property, and symbols of power and status. Balse ilaahey baa sidaa idiin qorey

Violence against women served to coerce their acquiescence in this scheme and perpetuate subservience to male relatives. Legally permitted abuse of women continued to exist in many Somali cultures until the late nineteenth century.

All Somali parents want their children to do the right thing, so when a child doesn’t eat or dress properly, a mother or father may be upset or even mad. But, an abuser doesn’t need a reason to be mad or hit. When an abuser gets violent, it is because of something that he or she sees, feels, or thinks. It is never because of something the child does.

It is the parents’ role to provide for their children’s physical needs. They must protect their children from physical harm and provide for their children’s needs for love, attention, and affection. Parents must protect their children from emotional harm and provide moral and ethical guidelines. Caruurteena dubada joogta nasiib badabaa yaaba garaaci kara oo juuq u dhihi kara balse ayaan darabaa kuwa Qalaafe jooga

Violence is only one method abusers use to get their way. They also threaten and deprive people of things they need to live, like money or food. Child abusers may lock children in the house during the day with no one to watch or feed them. A woman abuser may take his wife’s money and pull out the phone.

In many cases, the father or aabe is the active abuser and the mothe or hooyo macaanr is the silent partner. However, this is by no means the only family scenario. In some families, the mother is the active abuser and the father is the passive one miskiin. Most of the time, child and woman abuse do not occur together, however, in almost half of all homes where there are abused children, the mother is also abused.

One common belief is that when a husband hits his wife, she will then beat her children. Sometimes this is true. Mothers are responsible for about 30 percent of all child abuse. Women do most of the parenting in society, so when children are deprived of what they need to live, mothers are usually responsible. acuudi bilaahi

But, men commit most of the physical abuse, particularly when severe injury to children is involved. anaaba xasuusta maalin in sida kubad kor la ii tuurey dhulka dhunkadey aah. The ‘battering cycle’ consists of three phases that could vary in timing and intensity for the same couple and from one couple to the next: tension-building or ‘stress stage’, the explosion of acute battering or the ‘abusive incident’, and loving remorse also called the ‘honeymoon phase’.

During the stress stage, there is ongoing emotional strain between victim and abuser as tension and frustration grows. Unresolved conflict and previous feelings of anger burn inside an abuser like a volcano ready to explode. During the next phase, the violence occurs. He becomes driven from within and the physical action is even pleasurable.

It releases the pent-up tension and rage. The process feeds on itself, leading to faster and harder blows until the weapon is empty or destroyed or the abuser is exhausted. The repeat abuser becomes addicted to this tension release waayo waa qaiyalaaye ama tubaako cune.

It’s the only way he knows to rid himself of his bad feelings. When he finally explodes, his rage is uncontrollable. The victim is battered, verbally put down, sexually humiliated, threatened with violence and physically harmed. This could result in minor injuries to even death.

During the ‘honeymoon phase’ the victim and abuser try to forget what has happened. The abuser either displays loving behaviour in attempts to reconcile, flatly denies what has happened, or promises to change. The abuser may even be absent entirely from the scene.

Abusers may mentally reconstruct the act in order to blame the victim for having provoked the aggression. The victim tries to believe that the suffering is over and it is, temporarily, until tension builds and the cycle repeats itself.

During the build up phase, the victim knows all too well where the verbal attacks are leading. She can see the dark side coming. As the tension grows, the gradual descent into hell begins, paved with sarcasm, put-downs, insults, and humiliation about her ability as a mother, a housekeeper, and a lover.

The woman, in a desperate attempt to avoid the inevitable, usually goes into a survival mode. She swallows her own outrage and caters to her man’s every whim. She tries, at first, to avoid the inevitable by pacifying him, making sure nothing upsets him, doing little extra favours. It’s hopeless, and the fists fly, or an abrupt backhander sends her reeling. And, sometimes, sensing that it is unavoidable, she may even provoke him, just to get it over with.

During an assault, the victim quickly realizes that escape is futile. She usually dissociates. Women describe leaving their bodies with their mind. A surrealistic state of calm may occur during which the wife experiences the abuse like a slow-motion movie. This may be coupled with a sense of disbelief, a sense that the incident is not really happening to her.

After the violence, the victim’s reactions are similar to those who have experienced a natural disaster sida dagaalada sokeeye. These typically involve emotional collapse within twenty-two to forty-eight hours after the catastrophe and symptoms of post-traumatic stress such as listlessness, depression, and feelings of helplessness.

Victims tend to isolate themselves for some time, in an attempt to heal and to avoid the shame that accompanies having their injuries detected by friends. Frequently, battering occurs when assaultive men are inebriated, and they often blame the violence on chewing jaad.

In general, assaultive men have very high jaad use scores. Qayielaaye men experience depression and anxiety – so-called dysphoric states. jaad or mira is one of the common ways they learn to suppress and blot out these uncomfortable feelings. So is anger.

Since these individuals experience the dysophoric feelings as a function of their personalities, and since jaadl is a disinhibitor – that is, it relaxes one’s inhibitions – what results is a volatile combination of unhappy, angry men who have lost all restraint. This puts them at an even greater risk for violence.

Jaad and anger clear out depression but unfortunately, they do so at great cost to the Qayilaaye. Like Qayilaaye who haven’t confronted their addiction, batterers are in denial, minimizing the seriousness and frequency of their violence and their responsibility for it. It is a mistake to blame jaadka for the violence. When people say, “Jaadkii baa sidaa ii galay,” they’re blaming one symptom – violence – on another – mira.

These are both aspects of an abusive personality. So, while there is an association between jaadl use and violence, one does not cause the other. Both are traced back to an earlier aspect of the self. One’s personality is formed much sooner than one learns to use jaadl or to hit.

Children can be hurt simply by seeing parental violence. The parent uses criticism as a means of control, so no matter what the child does, the parent will find something to criticize. The child becomes an outlet of frustration, a scapegoat for all that is wrong with his parents. This is a corrupting way for Qayelaaye parents to justify and ventilate their own inadequacies.

Sometimes when children see abuse, they have nightmares and trouble sleeping. Little children and even older children may wet the bed. yaab dheh. Children may also have trouble in school, even getting into fights with their friends. Or, they may retreat into silence and stop playing with their friends.

Sometimes children who are abused take out their anger on pets and sometimes may even kill them. Sometimes they become very passive and quiet and always seem sad. Abused children have confusing feelings. They feel trapped and guilty that they may be responsible for the violence. They also feel ashamed that this is happening to them.

At the same time, many abused children feel loyal to their parents. They want and need attention and love, and they deserve it. When the person who is supposed to love them hurts them instead, they may feel it is because they are bad. Abusive parents are often very cold to their children.

Some children want attention from their parents so badly that they confuse getting hit with getting attention. An abused person feels like a hostage. She feels afraid, alone, and trapped. When children are abused, if someone comes to help them, they may cling to the person who is hurting them.

These children do not like being hurt, but they want and need attention and love from their parents. They think the parent who is hitting them doesn’t love them. They think they are hit because they are bad, so they cling. In some cases, the abused child unconsciously identifies with his abusive parent.

After all, the abuser looks powerful and invulnerable. Abused women may also feel trapped. They may lack money or a safe place to go, and they don’t want to leave their children. They may even be afraid to leave because they think the abuser will find them and hurt them worse.

Today we know that there are many non-violent ways to punish a child or to disagree with adults. Violence is a choice people make. Only the abuser is responsible for this choice, and nothing a child or an adult victim does causes abuse. And, there is little a child can do to stop or prevent abuse. That is why there are services to protect and support victims of abuse.

It is against Islam law to cause intentional harm to any other person. Domestic violence hurts all muslims. It is a sin, a crime, and a serious social problem. Common assault can be dealt with either as a serious offence (called an indictable offence) or as a less serious offence (called a summary offence). The sentence may be a fine, a jail term, a discharge or probation. It depends on the seriousness of the assault. balse wadanba ma lihine maxey tahey waxaas

The more we learn about respecting the rights and the independence of all others – boys, girls, men, women, wives, husbands, children, mothers, and fathers, ciyaal suuqiin, darbi jiifyaal – the easier it will be to keep family violence from happening. amiin

Qur'an and Muslim Women

The Qur'an is a book of Allah (God). We all muslims follow the instructions and guidance of this holy book. In it, many aspects of our ways of life and our attitudes towards different people are addressed. It mentions the strong feelings of the true believers towards Jews and Christians, however it gives a view of women that is taken two ways.

A major part of our religion is the way women should be treated. This idea is a controversial topic as seen from a person that is not a true believer, or a Muslim. Conventional thinking brought out by the media have led non-Muslim people to perceive the treatment of women as suppressive. Yaab dheh!

The Qur;an shows the reader both sides of the coin, and therefore, the reader must form an opinion of the way they thing women are treated. After reading The Qur'an, one would think that it belittles women, such as the way they are treated, and the role they play in society. However, with respect to their society habits, rituals, ways of life, and their religion, Muslim women are actually treated with more respect, and with more decency.

We the people of the book have very strict ideas about how society is to be run based upon our religion and culture. We are given certain rules and are expected to follow them. We muslims have a proper understanding of how they are to live our life and how we are to treat other people.

In the case of women, The Qur'an is very specific when it comes down to how they are to be treated and their role in life. “Women shall with justice have rights similar to those exercised against them, although men have a status above women.”.

As long as you are not a true believer, you will never really know what this exactly means. Obviously in The Qur'an, men have more rights than women. But then how is this statement to be understood? In The Qur'an, men and women have rights that are far more gender bias; men are guided more towards money and power, while women are guided towards a family and the home.(Yaa raba iney ila murmaan)

It is a society in which the woman is in charge inside of the house while the man has more power outside. People would think of this as degrading towards women, but it is done to look after them. As a protection to women, men are forced to go outside of the house into the world that is cold and evil.

They are told that they must do this everyday and bring home money to provide for their family and wife. The woman is to stay home in a safe place and take care of what she knows best. This is not mean to make women feel inferior but to make them feel safe and free from the world. (saaseyba u raaxeystaan hadana waa booteeyaan)

There are many reasons why non-muslim people believe that women are treated without respect in the Islamic nations. First and foremost, it says in The Qur'an that women may be beaten: Men have authority over women because Allah has made the one superior to the other, and because they spend their wealth to maintain them.

Good women are obedient. They guard their unseen parts because Allah has guarded them. As for those from whom you fear disobedience, admonish them, forsake them in beds apart, and beat them. Then if they obey you, take no further action against them. (64). (Aaydan ddod badan bey dhalisey ee waryaada haweenka ha garaacina ee u qaleeya, ama alabaabka tusa baxa dhaha).

Many people see this as wrong, but why? It is clearly stated in the Islamic religion that women may be beaten if they are disobedience. Why then, would a woman do something defiant if she knows that she will be hurt? She should realize that she must be a true believer and not be insubordinate; and if she is, then she must realize that she did something wrong, and according to her religion, she must be punished.(Look waryaa! beating is the last resort.caga Jugleyn badan ayaa ku filan, waa haddii kale sariirta u firaaqeeya si ay raaxo u weyso)

She will know that she has done something wrong, and unfortunately will get beaten; however, if she is smart, she will know not to do it again and obey her husband. Another point that is stated in the Qur'an is that if a woman feels like she is being treated unfairly by her husband, either emotionally or physically, she may go to him and others of the community and ask them for help.

She can make an agreement with her husband, “for agreement is best.”(74). Another reason why the idea that women are treated fairly is disagreed with is because women aren’t given as many rights as men. A prime example of this is for divorce. When a man wants to divorce his wife he can do so with ease, whereas a woman has to pronounce it many times before it can occur.

People use this case to say that men are superior to women, which is true, but the woman still has the right to divorce and if she chooses to divorce her husband, she isn’t looked down upon, and isn’t treated without respect. It says in The Qur'an: Divorce may be pronounced twice, and then a woman must be retained in honour or allowed to go with kindness.

It is unlawful for husbands to take from them anything they have given them, unless both fear that they may not be able to keep within the bounds set by Allah; in which case it shall be no offence for either of them if the wife redeems herself.(33).

In anything that a woman has the right to do, even if that right is inferior to a man’s right, she is treated with the utmost respect and love. In the Qur'an it says that men are higher in status than women but that the duty of the man is to protect the woman. They are to be cherished. It says: If you fear that you cannot treat orphans with fairness, then you may marry other women who seem good to you; two, three, or four of them.

But if you fear that you cannot maintain equality among them, marry one only or any slave-girls you may own…maintain and clothe them with its proceeds, and speak kind words to them.(60).

Quite opposite from what is expected, this does not demean women but shows them respect. Men are told that they cannot marry a woman unless he can support her, feed her, clothe her, and treat her well. If he does not have the money to afford and supporting a wife, then he is not allowed to marry her. When he does marry her, he must offer a sufficient dowry as a free gift.

Men are not allowed to marry more than one woman if they cannot support each of them equally. For a woman, this is reassuring. She knows that she will marry someone who cares for her, and who will support her as well as the family she might have. This is also a reason why in inheritance, men receive more than females.

The men must have money to some day take care of and raise a family. In The Qur'an, it may seem that men are disrespecting women, however they are not. It does say, “Women are your fields: go, then, into your fields whence you please. Do good works and fear God;” however, this does not mean have sex with any woman you please. It means that a man should treat a woman with respect and then if he likes her, he should ask her to marry him.

Only then, after they are married, can they have sex as the man pleases. The Qur'an gives a list of women that men are forbidden to have intercourse with due to the rules of our religion, but then goes on to tell men that the ones that they can have intercourse with must be treated well.

Forbidden to you are your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your paternal and maternal aunts, the daughters of your brothers and sisters, your foster-mothers, your foster-sisters, the mothers of your wives, your step-daughters who are in your charge, born of the wives with whom you have lain, and the wives of your own begotten sons. You are also forbidden to take in marriage two sisters at one and the same time. Also married women, except those whom you own as slaves. All other women other than these are lawful for you, provided you court them with your wealth in modest conduct, not in fornication.”(63).

It goes on to say that Allah is watching them and she will know if they mistreat women, or force them to do anything against their will. In the Muslim religion, women are to be loved and respected and not thought of as a piece of meat. That is why their bodies and head are hid by a covering or clothing or cloth (Hijab).

The main reason for this is so the women do not tempt men, other than their husbands, if they are married. Also, they do not want women to be thought of as a sexual object but as a person. They are to be respected as a person and not thought of as an object. They cover themselves so men around the town don’t think of them sexually but get to know them personally.

If they wind up marrying a woman, only then will he get to see her figure. This is very respectful for all women. It is protecting them from the everyday reality of being a woman. Whether that is to be meant as being inferior or just being something other than a man is a debatable question.

However, it is up to women to make a name for themselves. It is hard however, when men whistle or make catcalls at women, or give them reputations just by how pretty they are or how good their body is. Having that said, it is very clear why Islamic women should be thought of as people and not things.

They are respecting themselves as well as the people around them. They are given the chance to be whom they want to not what other people see in them. As people of the Islamic culture, women are devoting themselves to a religion that they know of, and know well.

They understand what is to be done, and not done, and know what it is that the religion asks of them. Women know their part in society, and it is up to them to decide how they want themselves to be treated. If they obey their religion, they will be treated well, but if they go against their religion or their husband, they will be punished.

On the other side, Muslim women are respected overall as well looked after, and protected. They are not treated as some women all over the world are treated; like objects. They are treated as women should be treated and seen as women should be seen. They are not belittled but uplifted by both society, and their religion.
Hadaba ahweenkeena muslimiinta yaa ka wanaagsan maxase qaarkood gaalada daba dhigay waa yaab.

Your Mission of Online Dating

As a Somali reader, you might think reading this topic has something to do with the so-called SomaliNet Singles. No, that is not my case. even though I'm a memeber of that website, it doesn't actually work. According to my personal belief, only the game players and losers use SomaliNet often and I'm about to get the hell out of there.

Finally, you have accepted the fact that you need someone to make your life complete. You accepted the reality that you need someone to grow old with. And you accepted the truth that you are not getting any younger. The next step to do now is… to set a mission. Draw a personal mission statement that will fuel your personal undertaking with burning desire.

Yes, you have to psyche yourself up that you are ready to dig in. Set a goal. Have a clear objective of what you want to do. Draw your personal aspiration. Present your mission statement with solid conviction. Come up with a hard rationale why you want to go on online dating. And find a firm motivation to make you decisive. taasi masahlana sow maahan.

When you have decided that you want to invest on a cyber relationship, you already have an idea on how your fairytale will achieve the happy-ever-after. Of course, we all want that happy ending. We all want our relationship to last forever.

We all want the till-death-do-us-part become a reality. But relationship is a hard work. So you better set that goal. What do you want in a relationship? What can you sacrifice for a relationship? How do you sustain a relationship? Like any relationship, we always look for the positives. But we should also consider the fact that there are always two sides of the coin. Qof baa kula Ciyaaraya ee ogooooow.

Wanting a relationship means you know the difference between wants and needs. Are you looking for love because you want it or you need it? Because eventually you may be asked – Do you want me because you need me or you need me because you want me?

You have to be ready to answer that question and justify your answer. Notice that I have not mentioned the magic word – LOVE, yet. Because Jaceyl or love is the aftermath of all the troubles that you will go through… if and when you will get lucky. Please note that not all will be successful in finding one-true-love in Online Dating. Online Dating is only one of the options.

In any relationship, love should be one’s goal. But in reality, I know this is not all so true. There are people swho are seeking “love” for personal convenience and there are lots of those in Online Dating. And everybody who engaged in this dating business is aware of that.

There is nothing wrong if you are looking for love because you are afraid to grow old alone, you just wanted a future. There is nothing wrong if you are looking for love because you need someone to pay your bills, you are just being practical. There is nothing wrong if you are looking for love because you want to go abroad, you just want to fulfill your dream. There is nothing wrong if you need a father/mother for your kids, you just need someone to lean on.

Whatever your reason is, that is considered a shallow “mission”. But that could be the start. What is wrong is, taking advantage of that person you found online, using him/her and damping him/her once you get what you want.

You will be surprised that there are lots of people with the same agenda as yours. But still there is really such a thing as “love in cyber-nation”. You just be honest with your purpose. You don’t have to say it bluntly and right away the first meeting or you will shoo that person right away.

My friend Ubax(not her real name) was already engaged to be married to Yusuf, another Somali guy. He told her that very first online meeting that his Oroma girlfriend just died and he was lonely and he wanted to meet someone again.

He was so honest from the very first time. She told him too that she was into a relationship that time and that her Somali boyfriend who supposed to come to the England to meet her turned out to be a liar.

So she was honest too. Eventually, they became closer by just being friends at first. Her giving him advise and consoling him from his depression and him making her feel important, needed and wanted… they end up liking each other. And the rest is history.

“True love” is a reality. There are people who found it. There are people who are living it. There are people who are enjoying it. Two people can find true love and whatever selfish reason one may have will be erased by the magic of love or rather, one’s pure intention will be blessed with a real happy-ever-after. And this – should be your VISSION. Ciyaar waa dhamaatey akhyaarta ee fadhi ku didirka joojiya

Drinking and Driving Baabuur

Driving a vehicle while under the influence of alcohol is one of the most dangerous things that a human can possibly do. When people drink and drive, they are not only putting themselves in danger, they are also jeopardizing the lives of other road users and pedestrians.

At a young age, I use to watch my my friend Ahmed drink and drive thinking it was completely normal. Everything was ok until one day he got too drunk and lost control of the car and hit a tree. Today, I am still pondering on what caused people including my friend to drink and drive?

Could it be pressure from your peers, or going and acting wild at a party, or maybe it's the numerous of underage teens drinking behind the wheel. After many years of watching and assuming drinking and driving was normal, I have completely changed my beliefs and want everybody to realize the true effect of drunk driving. That was when I was 12 years old living in Somalia


Some of my readers in general and Somali in particular might say, because we are muslims, we don't have to worry about drinking and driving. They are wrong. I only wrote this articles after I saw all of these Somali guys drinking without their family's knowledge. I even know some of them who keep drinking and driving.

It may be obvious to say, but I believe peer pressure plays a major role in whether somebody will be getting behind the wheel after a few drinks. I think its more important for our young Somali drivers, because most young people try to maintain a cool reputation. That means they will go along with just about anything their friends will say, instead of making responsible decisions.

For example last year, my American roommate BJ and some of his friends was hanging out at the club for a drink and everybody was pressured to drink, if not they were called wimps and punks. So its about 3am and nobody is in the right status to drive. So I received a call from the club owner saying to come and pick up BJ and his friends.

I rushed down there thanking Allah that he didn?t get behind the wheel drunk with a possibility of killing everybody in the car. My friend should of been more responsible and ignored the pressure and explain that if he drink, everybody will help pay for a taxi.


Peer pressure! is not too hard to avoid, all we have to do is to make good decisions and explain them your decision, if their reasonable people they should understand. Drinking too much at parties is another major cause of my changed belief towards drunk driving. When an individual attends a party they expect to have a few drinks, because they want to casually fit-in with a group.

When people consume alcohol very lightly they can stay sober and not react so extreme as a person who consumes too many drinks. For example, I attended a house party last week and my friend BJ got completely drunk. He started out drinking very slowly and casually, then he began to consume drink after drink by the end of the night he couldn't talk straight.

I told him the next day about how crazy he was acting but he still don't believe me. It is a rarity that a person can stay sober at a wild party that has nothing but alcohol, because once a person has a few drinks they begin to want more and possibly go overboard with it. Whether it means to drink faucet water all night, or just eating chips, we must realize that enough is enough and stop drinking. Because of his constant drinking, I kicked his ass out of my apartment.


In addition to drinking at parties, there is age factor. Young drivers who are between the ages of 16-20 years old are more likely to have alcohol and get into car accidents. That is mainly because of their lack of driving experience and tendency to take risks and drink while driving. Under the influence of alcohol, their judgment in traffic is often insufficient to avoid a crash. In addition, teens do most of their driving at night, which can be even more difficult while drunk.

Then the effects of alcohol that takes place are poor coordination and slurred speech, double vision, decrease of self control, loss of consciousness and death. There are legal consequences due to drinking also. After a couple of drinks, a driver can lose their ability to perform the tasks necessary to drive a car.

At a certain point, a driver will become illegally intoxicated and can be arrested for attempting to operate a motor vehicle. They face losing their license, having embarrassing court appearances, press coverage and heavy fines.

Finally in conclusion, there is no safe amount that you can drink and still drive. Even one drink can influence your driving offences. My advice is to try to manage your life so that you do not drink and drive. If you go out for a drink, try to go somewhere that you can reach either on foot or by public transportation.

If you are my Somali brother and sister, it's better off not to drink at all because it is haram and sin. We wish we woud follow whatever Allah and his messneger prophet Mohammed (PBUH) told us to do, and stay away from all troubles. We still see these so-called muslims who still drink and drive. They don't afraid of Allah, but they are afarid of their familes and friends.

Many situations like this will show up in a life, they just have to make good decisions. When we drink and drive, the effect is that your not only killing ourselves, but you?re putting others lives in jeopardy. My advice is fear Allah and don't drink at all, and if you drink, dont drive at all yaah. If you are in the Twincites, call your Somali cab drivers who will help you out. They don't care if they see you drank as long as you can pay them.

Building Friendship

A friend is someone who cherishes the special moments and memories of life with another person. A friend is a trustworthy companion. Friendship is a relationship which takes time to build. There are many steps and stages to achieving a true friendship. However, one can think building a friendship is like planting a garden.


For many people, planting a garden represents, devotion and leisure. It takes patience to grow a garden, frustrations and hardships are also involved in the process. Firstly the seed is planted. The seed builds the foundation of a strong and stable plant. It has to be taken care of and watered daily. Then the shoots start sprouting, the plant is finally flourishing.

One can see day by day the garden maturing. Then one day the garden starts to wilt, its dying. One has to tend to it and have the patience and determination to bring it back to life. It frustrates one to see the insects and predators preying on the beautiful garden that once existed. But hard work and devotion regains the gardens beauty and gives it life again.

Soon a shoots blossom an bloom into beautiful flowers. The charm and divine beauty of the garden is a wonderful enlightening sight. Building a friendship has similar characteristics. One meets a person and plants the seed of friendship. The friendship builds and continues to grow stronger. It requires devotion of time and patience to achieve peak communication between the two companions.

The struggle to keep a solid friendship includes many obstacles and hardships. But compromising, devotion and the willingness to endure is bound to payoff in the end. It takes a long time to grow an old friendship. Friendship has its good and bad times. There comes a time when the relationship is just not working. It is preoccupied with disagreements and quarrels. It is on the verge of destruction.

One must have the patience to deal with such frustrations. The willingness and determination to get the relationship working again come within. Compromising and persistence rebuilds the friendship and is once again reestablished. As Socrates once said Be slow to fall into friendship, but when thou art ! in, continue firm and constant.

The friendship is blooming and is finally on its peak. Its great to have a strong and stable relationship which allows the two companions to share the joys and memories of life together. If building a friendship can be compared to planting a garden then perhaps some of its frustrations and problems can be better understood.

The true meaning of friendship is achieved by understanding its relativity to planting a garden. A person who builds a friendship as planting a garden can overcome the obstacles of it very easily.

The symbolism becomes clear and precise. Saaxiibtinimo and planting a garden can both be said as give and take. The more effort and persistence put into them the more stronger and everlasting happiness can be accomplished. Hadba jaalayaal farta taaga oo uaa beer ila abuuraaya.

What Do Women Want

My English teacher once told me that throughout my life women would confuse me. I never understood what my teacher was telling me until today. In a relationship, men need someone who will be their friend, companion, and lover, but on the other hand, women have no clue of what they want from a relationship. Women are difficult to please, and I must add, they are IMPOSSIBLE. Acuudu Bilaahi.

"I like you. I love you. I want to marry you." "Waan Kuu Bukaa abooweh". Women use these testimonies everyday to set up a clueless ending to a relationship. If I were to tell you all the reasons why women are impossible, I would be writing forever. I plan not to do that.

I'll start by saying just not long ago; a friend of mine was having problems in his relationship. His girlfriend ended their relationship for no apparent reason. The only answer she could give my friend was that she felt things between them weren't the same. She concludes by saying it's not that serious.

If you ask me, she has no clue what she wants. In relationships, it's just like a woman to leave a man clueless. The man is expected to know what she is thinking at all times. Just when men think they have an idea of what their woman wants and presents them with more love than they can handle, whether the love he gives her is a special kiss or gift, she'll turn it down of course and begin to cry.

When things are not going the way women expect them to, they began to cry. They'll dump you, and then begin to cry again like it's the man`s fault. Don't get me wrong, men have their faults, but that is the affect of women. Women are the number one reason many men 'play" them.

Because of women, men now find it necessary to have several women instead of one. If one is being difficult to handle, then there are others to "play" with. Women criticize men for doing this, but if only they knew it is their doing that causes a man to break down, become single, and mess around.

Men are tired of trying to satisfy women who are in need of "more" in a relationship, so they seek those women who do not mind a little less love from men. The answer is simple. Women are being used because they are difficult to handle.

I was in a previous relationship where everything was nearly perfect. Just when I thought the girl was really the one for me, I find out she has been cheating on me. For two years we have been together. For two years, I tried my best to live up to her expectation as a boyfriend, and for a year she's been cheating on me.

For two years, I have spoiled this girl, and she makes me look like a fool. Her actions are what make me think back to what my English teacher told me. She commented on how confusing women would be, but she mentions nothing of how impossible women were. I'm figuring she didn't want to mention it because she was one as well.

The type of women that bother me the most is the type in marriage relationships. The man is in charge of the household meaning pressure and stress is already pounding on his back, but here comes the woman not to lend a hand, but to pound on his back as well. "Where are you going? Where have you been all day? Why didn't get me this like I ask? It only cost nine hundred and fifty dollars."

The questions are continuous. The there are the comments that follow these questions such as, "Honey, guess what. Our two month anniversary is next month." To men this is funny to hear because Valentine's Day and his birthday are a month later, but she says this anyway. But as a male I do not see a problem. As long as SHE's happy, everything is okay.

After reading this paper so far, most women may ask me to ask their men whether they are difficult to please. To tell the truth, no man in their right mind would say their woman is impossible. These men would be too scared of what their woman would say, too scared to hear more complaining from their woman. Deep inside, they're anxious to tell someone like me the truth; the fact that their woman is difficult to handle. Adey kujirtaa waryaaa!

Impossible is the best word that describes women. The only reason for this is that Allah planned it that way to test men`s patience. I know I may have over told the truth a little in this paper, but it SIMPLY describes the fact of how unpleasing woman are. I consider this subject very broad because I have yet to discuss moms and sisters, so I'll now stop there.

Don't Hate Me Ladies

Well, I was, as I think, speaking ill of Somali ladies these days, not because I hate them but because kuwii xumaa uun baa Ilaahey i tusey. From now on, I will be very careful and I will think twice before making another mistake. Xumaantii waxaan ugu badelayaa jaceyl bal si uu Ilaahey i tuso kuwii fiicnaa, igana qariyo kuwii xumaa.>

This is very easy. Most guys today, I'm sorry to say have no idea how to treat a woman. They treat girls like a piece of garbage or they act like a doormat to beautiful women and let these women walk all over them. You cannot be a rotten no good, but you cannot be a doormat either. Once you start dating girls, treat them with respect. Treat them like you'd like another guy to treat your mother or sister. Runtii ragaasaan ka mid ahaa. Wixii hadda ka danbeeya, I will taste the water and see in sidan soo socoto ay haboon tahay

First off all, make sure you are clean. no matter how cute you are, nobody will come near you if you stink, let alone nice women. Do not make a pass at a girl on the first date. She'll think you're different from most men and will want to go out with you again. Act romantic, not sex crazed. Hold her hand in the movie, open the door for her, and be polite. Act like she's precious and sweet. When you bring her home, give her a good night kiss at the door and say "I'll call you sometime." She'll be amazed at being treated like a lady. Miyaa mise ?

When you take her out again, still treat her like a lady. Women are dying for romance today and the guy who knows how to provide it is a rare find. Before long she'll fall in love with you because you're a man who treats her with respect. Believe me, even a prostitute likes to be treated like a lady. Soo ma ahan.

These are just for me, not for you guys and I'm sure it will work for me and Bilan will love me not as her man but as her assistant preacher. Any way thanks dawaco iyo Kastuumo for giving me a little jiljileec si aan idinku soo hongaansamo. fadlan Bilan ha leexsan this topic as you did tii Kosovo, because naago waa laga amaaney halkaneee
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