Domestic violence is the use of physical force within a home in any form of abuse. Abuse can be a whole range of physical behaviour, slapping, hitting, beating, spitting,afalagaadeen, or using weapons to hurt someone. It includes verbal and emotional abuse, where someone is constantly insulted and made to feel sad and worthless. Alla yaa naga qabta kuwaas
It can also include rape and sexual abuse. Sexual abuse is when someone forces another to have sexual intercourse, anaaba arkaye or do other sexual things against their will. Another form of abuse is total control where one adult makes all the decisions for another person or for a whole family. Yaa kuu xirey shaarkii Siyad Bare waryaa
Family violence may start with an argument or even a fight, but it goes way beyond fighting. Some abusers were beaten as children, and others saw their parents use violence, iyo qoryo jaad ah oo la raamsado. Some abusers are uncomfortable with feelings like sadness, embarrassment, hurt, or even love. Waan ku jeclahey kulahaa
When these people have these feelings, they get angry, and then they get violent oo jin baa ku soo dega. Some abusers get violent when they run out of words, and some are drunk, and others eat xashiish ay Amxaarada ku soo tufeen. Some abusers are jealous, mentally ill, or feel overwhelmed by problems. Waxaba kuuma hayo miskiin anaaba nafteyda u yaabsan
Some are just mean. One thing all forms of family violence share is how they start. A desire to have control leads to the violence. Every year, at least many Somali women are physically, sexually, or psychologically abused by their husbands or common law partners.
Throughout much of the history of old civilization, deep-seated cultural beliefs allowed women only limited roles in society. Many people believed that women’s natural roles were as mothers and wives, iyo guryo la iska jiifo. These people considered women to be better suited for childbearing and homemaking rather than for involvement in the public life of business or politics. Sax waaye iskas fadhiya kobtiina oo iska raaxeysta.
Widespread belief that women were intellectually inferior to men led most societies to limit women’s education to learning domestic skills. Well-educated, upper-class Somali men controlled most positions of employment and power in society. Welise maba arag nin wax yaqaana oo waan maqlaa uun.
Traditionally, Somali female family members existed only in terms of their relationships to men. As daughters, subject to the control and whim of fathers, women represented a means of economic or political gain through marital arrangements. As wives, they became their husbands’ property, and symbols of power and status. Balse ilaahey baa sidaa idiin qorey
Violence against women served to coerce their acquiescence in this scheme and perpetuate subservience to male relatives. Legally permitted abuse of women continued to exist in many Somali cultures until the late nineteenth century.
All Somali parents want their children to do the right thing, so when a child doesn’t eat or dress properly, a mother or father may be upset or even mad. But, an abuser doesn’t need a reason to be mad or hit. When an abuser gets violent, it is because of something that he or she sees, feels, or thinks. It is never because of something the child does.
It is the parents’ role to provide for their children’s physical needs. They must protect their children from physical harm and provide for their children’s needs for love, attention, and affection. Parents must protect their children from emotional harm and provide moral and ethical guidelines. Caruurteena dubada joogta nasiib badabaa yaaba garaaci kara oo juuq u dhihi kara balse ayaan darabaa kuwa Qalaafe jooga
Violence is only one method abusers use to get their way. They also threaten and deprive people of things they need to live, like money or food. Child abusers may lock children in the house during the day with no one to watch or feed them. A woman abuser may take his wife’s money and pull out the phone.
In many cases, the father or aabe is the active abuser and the mothe or hooyo macaanr is the silent partner. However, this is by no means the only family scenario. In some families, the mother is the active abuser and the father is the passive one miskiin. Most of the time, child and woman abuse do not occur together, however, in almost half of all homes where there are abused children, the mother is also abused.
One common belief is that when a husband hits his wife, she will then beat her children. Sometimes this is true. Mothers are responsible for about 30 percent of all child abuse. Women do most of the parenting in society, so when children are deprived of what they need to live, mothers are usually responsible. acuudi bilaahi
But, men commit most of the physical abuse, particularly when severe injury to children is involved. anaaba xasuusta maalin in sida kubad kor la ii tuurey dhulka dhunkadey aah. The ‘battering cycle’ consists of three phases that could vary in timing and intensity for the same couple and from one couple to the next: tension-building or ‘stress stage’, the explosion of acute battering or the ‘abusive incident’, and loving remorse also called the ‘honeymoon phase’.
During the stress stage, there is ongoing emotional strain between victim and abuser as tension and frustration grows. Unresolved conflict and previous feelings of anger burn inside an abuser like a volcano ready to explode. During the next phase, the violence occurs. He becomes driven from within and the physical action is even pleasurable.
It releases the pent-up tension and rage. The process feeds on itself, leading to faster and harder blows until the weapon is empty or destroyed or the abuser is exhausted. The repeat abuser becomes addicted to this tension release waayo waa qaiyalaaye ama tubaako cune.
It’s the only way he knows to rid himself of his bad feelings. When he finally explodes, his rage is uncontrollable. The victim is battered, verbally put down, sexually humiliated, threatened with violence and physically harmed. This could result in minor injuries to even death.
During the ‘honeymoon phase’ the victim and abuser try to forget what has happened. The abuser either displays loving behaviour in attempts to reconcile, flatly denies what has happened, or promises to change. The abuser may even be absent entirely from the scene.
Abusers may mentally reconstruct the act in order to blame the victim for having provoked the aggression. The victim tries to believe that the suffering is over and it is, temporarily, until tension builds and the cycle repeats itself.
During the build up phase, the victim knows all too well where the verbal attacks are leading. She can see the dark side coming. As the tension grows, the gradual descent into hell begins, paved with sarcasm, put-downs, insults, and humiliation about her ability as a mother, a housekeeper, and a lover.
The woman, in a desperate attempt to avoid the inevitable, usually goes into a survival mode. She swallows her own outrage and caters to her man’s every whim. She tries, at first, to avoid the inevitable by pacifying him, making sure nothing upsets him, doing little extra favours. It’s hopeless, and the fists fly, or an abrupt backhander sends her reeling. And, sometimes, sensing that it is unavoidable, she may even provoke him, just to get it over with.
During an assault, the victim quickly realizes that escape is futile. She usually dissociates. Women describe leaving their bodies with their mind. A surrealistic state of calm may occur during which the wife experiences the abuse like a slow-motion movie. This may be coupled with a sense of disbelief, a sense that the incident is not really happening to her.
After the violence, the victim’s reactions are similar to those who have experienced a natural disaster sida dagaalada sokeeye. These typically involve emotional collapse within twenty-two to forty-eight hours after the catastrophe and symptoms of post-traumatic stress such as listlessness, depression, and feelings of helplessness.
Victims tend to isolate themselves for some time, in an attempt to heal and to avoid the shame that accompanies having their injuries detected by friends. Frequently, battering occurs when assaultive men are inebriated, and they often blame the violence on chewing jaad.
In general, assaultive men have very high jaad use scores. Qayielaaye men experience depression and anxiety – so-called dysphoric states. jaad or mira is one of the common ways they learn to suppress and blot out these uncomfortable feelings. So is anger.
Since these individuals experience the dysophoric feelings as a function of their personalities, and since jaadl is a disinhibitor – that is, it relaxes one’s inhibitions – what results is a volatile combination of unhappy, angry men who have lost all restraint. This puts them at an even greater risk for violence.
Jaad and anger clear out depression but unfortunately, they do so at great cost to the Qayilaaye. Like Qayilaaye who haven’t confronted their addiction, batterers are in denial, minimizing the seriousness and frequency of their violence and their responsibility for it. It is a mistake to blame jaadka for the violence. When people say, “Jaadkii baa sidaa ii galay,” they’re blaming one symptom – violence – on another – mira.
These are both aspects of an abusive personality. So, while there is an association between jaadl use and violence, one does not cause the other. Both are traced back to an earlier aspect of the self. One’s personality is formed much sooner than one learns to use jaadl or to hit.
Children can be hurt simply by seeing parental violence. The parent uses criticism as a means of control, so no matter what the child does, the parent will find something to criticize. The child becomes an outlet of frustration, a scapegoat for all that is wrong with his parents. This is a corrupting way for Qayelaaye parents to justify and ventilate their own inadequacies.
Sometimes when children see abuse, they have nightmares and trouble sleeping. Little children and even older children may wet the bed. yaab dheh. Children may also have trouble in school, even getting into fights with their friends. Or, they may retreat into silence and stop playing with their friends.
Sometimes children who are abused take out their anger on pets and sometimes may even kill them. Sometimes they become very passive and quiet and always seem sad. Abused children have confusing feelings. They feel trapped and guilty that they may be responsible for the violence. They also feel ashamed that this is happening to them.
At the same time, many abused children feel loyal to their parents. They want and need attention and love, and they deserve it. When the person who is supposed to love them hurts them instead, they may feel it is because they are bad. Abusive parents are often very cold to their children.
Some children want attention from their parents so badly that they confuse getting hit with getting attention. An abused person feels like a hostage. She feels afraid, alone, and trapped. When children are abused, if someone comes to help them, they may cling to the person who is hurting them.
These children do not like being hurt, but they want and need attention and love from their parents. They think the parent who is hitting them doesn’t love them. They think they are hit because they are bad, so they cling. In some cases, the abused child unconsciously identifies with his abusive parent.
After all, the abuser looks powerful and invulnerable. Abused women may also feel trapped. They may lack money or a safe place to go, and they don’t want to leave their children. They may even be afraid to leave because they think the abuser will find them and hurt them worse.
Today we know that there are many non-violent ways to punish a child or to disagree with adults. Violence is a choice people make. Only the abuser is responsible for this choice, and nothing a child or an adult victim does causes abuse. And, there is little a child can do to stop or prevent abuse. That is why there are services to protect and support victims of abuse.
It is against Islam law to cause intentional harm to any other person. Domestic violence hurts all muslims. It is a sin, a crime, and a serious social problem. Common assault can be dealt with either as a serious offence (called an indictable offence) or as a less serious offence (called a summary offence). The sentence may be a fine, a jail term, a discharge or probation. It depends on the seriousness of the assault. balse wadanba ma lihine maxey tahey waxaas
The more we learn about respecting the rights and the independence of all others – boys, girls, men, women, wives, husbands, children, mothers, and fathers, ciyaal suuqiin, darbi jiifyaal – the easier it will be to keep family violence from happening. amiin
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