I’m free to do as I please

I am currently going through one of the most painful migranes I have ever encountered in my life. Today I was given another marriage dose from my grandmother in the morning. You’ll tell me that this is just talk. I’ll tell you that you haven’t met my grandmother.

If she says be, then it has to be. It’s been a month since my father’s aunt died. Going to her house to meet her family, we read the Qur’an in memory of her.

Some people believe that coming together to read the Qura’n in memory of a dead person is haram, or an innovation. I believe just coming together with the intention to want to have good, pious company along with remembering Allah by reading His Qur’an is not harmful, but rather a good deed. It all depends on your intentions. It also reminds you that death is not far away.

I sat there in the group, reading surat Yaseen and just thought of life and how quickly is all ends. But here is my grandmother, at 85, still being her usual jihad of the tongue kind of woman. In the gathernig she tells everyone that I am not yet married and that I MUST get married this year.

I look at her in amazement. There are only six months left for this year. Do they think I’m going to get a take-away marriage? I wish it was just talk. In their speech is venom. She also said she will find the bride for me. This is new talk. She’s never said that before. We know she is saying that because she believes my parents haven’t done a good job to find the right woman for me, otherwise I wouldn’t be single in what my relatives see as a terribly-old age to be single. I’m regarded as a boy, unless they save me by the end of the year.

Then she says that I will have my wedding in Qabridahare. my parent's hometown. All I do is sit there and laugh. My life seems to be set out for me, my dear readers. They will find me the bride, they will set the date for later this year and they will have the venue in Qabridahre. There is no talk of what I want, even when I do try to fight back with words that I don’t like their way, it falls on deaf ears. If this was said once, then I wouldn’t mind, really. But this talk is drummed into my ears continuously while I’m in their gathering. It must be brought up more than several times so that I get the message. What am I to tell them that will make them cease?

When I am to get married, I will be hearing how they wish my wife could give birth a girl soon. When she give birth to a girl, they will wish she had given birth to a boy and they will give examples of so-and-so who gave birth just last week to a set of twins boys. If she had given birth to a boy, they will tell me the Arabic saying ‘The one who didn’t give birth to a girl, didn’t give birth at all’. When my wife give birth to both, it will be about how well they are doing in school. When they have graduated, it will be about their marriage and how soon it will be and where. I’m sure I’ve left a few steps, by you get the general idea.

This kind of culture makes me think twice about living in Africa. Even though I do ignore it, when it becomes a sort of nagging voice in my ear that is constant, no matter how much I try to complain, then I know I wouldn’t be able to live with these sort of people around. Unless I cut them out of my life completely.

And I can’t do that since they are relatives, and as Muslims we are not to severe ties with our relatives. What a bummer. If only these people were actually looking forward to such events because of my happiness. No. It’s all to do with showing off and competition. Major migrane initialisers.

For next time, all I’m going to tell them is don’t worry about my life. I’m free to do as I please. If they continue, then I’m going to tell them that I’m doing a private wedding in a secret island and none of them are welcome except those who never gave me such a headache all for the sake of pressurising me. A celebrity in hiding, I’m acting as though these relatives are the paparazzi.

How many men and women go through this daily when they reach a certain age? How many men and women give into the pressure and marry losers just so they can get out of their misery- while they end up in a miserable marriage and divorce? I know I’m facing just a fraction of what other guys go through. Although we are in the year 2009, culture still ties us down.

But no more. We have a voice. We should use it. We should live life the way we want. Hand in hand, let’s get this show on the road brothers and sisters. Let’s give as good as we get.

I know I will.