Wonderful People

We’ve had a little adversity in our family the past few weeks and it’s given me plenty of reasons to write about the wonderful Nice people in my life. My brother in law has been fighting for his life recently due to complications from diabetes. These recent challenges have rippled through our family.

First, my girlfriend has appropriately turned over the childcare and household duties to me so she can focus on spending time with her father/family. The kids don’t totally understand the situation but are affected nonetheless.

Situations like this are when you get to see the wonderful people in your life rally to your assistance. For example, my awesome sister volunteered and kept our children on the weekend despite of her already having previously planned activities. My aunt, recovering from the flu, gathered her strength and prepared several meals for our family on Sunday. She then drove an hour to bring this food to our house on Monday.

Believe me, I’m not one known for asking for help. They just knew their kindness would help ease our challenges.

We’ve also had friends watching over our pets when needed, neighbors watching the kids for a few minutes while we run errands, calls of concern and inspiration….basically, we’ve been overcome with joy from the amount of help and encouragement given graciously and unselfishly by our friends and family.

It would be easy to get overly depressed or overly anxious during these trying times. Without the help of our nice friends and nice family we would definitely be in a much more difficult situation.

I’ve always felt every day has good things and bad things which occur. For those of us who focus on the bad things………we have bad days. For those of us who focus on the good things………we have good days.

Every day is like this. In our most recent weeks this has been quite obviousl. We’re definitely saddened by the day the day struggles of our sick family member with poor prognosis but we’re also proud to have such a wonderful circle of friends who touch our lives on a daily basis.

Our cup is fuller than it should be. We have a lot to be appreciative of during the past few weeks such as having the ability to spend more time with those we love and respect. Additionally, our children are learning to deal with change, and our personal problems have become miniscule as compared to the problems my brother in law are facing.

And it's Springtime!!!
I truly look forward to the time I have to help these same nice people when they are in need as they have done their part to “Make the
World a Better Place”!!! piece ilaahey ha ka abaalmatiyo dhamaantood aamiin

She Wants Everything Nice!

Well, I'm gonna tell you a real story about a Somali sister who doesn't want to marry because she always says "I want my man to be so and so". She wants him to have everything nice. Waawareey, war toloow ninkaas xagee laga helaa moojiiiii. I translated it into English so walaayaal keep reading and put your hands on your cheeks and it is up to you whether love her or hate her. I don't give a damn, hahahaha. islaan khatar ah dheh. Baraavoow

Well, I'm gonna tell you a real story about a Somali sister who don't want to marry because she always says "I want my man to be so and so". She wants him to have everything nice. Waawareey, war toloow ninkaas xagee laga helaa moojiiiii. I translated it into English so walaayaal keep reading and put your hands on your cheeks and it is up to you whether love her or hate her. I don't give a damn, hahahaha. islaan khatar ah dheh. Baraavoow

I do not want a man who is going to oppress me. [ ha kayaabin] I do not want a man who wants to show me off either. I do not want a man who is going to treat me like his property, or like a child.[ allahu akbar] I do not want a man to tell me what to do and what not to do.[ maxaa dhacay naayaa] I do not want a man to tell me that everything is haram and that I must stay at home and cook for him.[maxaa dhacau ma xaaraan baa cunee].

I do not want a man who hates it when I start talking about religious issues because he doesn’t like anything religious.[ sheekh ma ihi dee] I do not like a man who wants to be secular and liberal. I do not want a man to tell me that I have to work and give him my earnings. I do not want a man to force me to do anything I do not want to do. [ ma miskiin baa imoodey markaan ku tuugaayo]

I do not want a man to patronise me. I do not want a man to have friends who are girls because I am jealous [ acuudu bilaahi masyr badanaa islaantu ]. It’s not that I don’t trust him, I just don’t trust them. Neither do I trust the shaytan. I do not want a man who is going to spend hours on the phone with a colleague who is a female because I believe there should be boundaries [ free speech weeye dee ]. I do not want a man who is going to invite his friends over whenever he wants and I have to cook for them and end up cleaning for them too [ soo naagta guriga matihid dee ]. I do not want a man who is going to neglect me and work all the time. Why get married in the first place? [ inaan taajir noqono dee

I do not want a man who fights and argues. I do not want a man who is impatient. I do not want a man who will ignore me. I do not want a man who will blame me for everything. I do not want a man who will treat me like his enemy. I do not want a man who disrespects women. I do not want a man who is stingy. I do not want a man who wants to use me.

I do not want a man who doesn’t really love me [ waan ku jeclahey walaahi ]. I do not want a man who is not going to be romantic [ haa waa aqaanaa shukaansi dee ]. I do not want a man who is not going to love or care for me. I do not want a man who thinks marriage is just about having an accessory as a wife on his hands to show off to people. I do not want a man who thinks that marriage is like that. Marriage is about two people who adore and love each other and who want to live together successfully as a team, helping each other succeed in whatever they want to do [ mar horaan kuushegay waan kujeclahey xabiibi ].

It’s about a partnership. I do not want a man who thinks he’s the one who is going to rule over me. Nor do I want a man who thinks he can control me. I do not want a man who is angry quickly. I do not want a man who is unforgiving. I do not want a man who is not merciful. I do not want a man who hurts people easily. I do not want a man who is too religious. I do not want a man who is not religious at all. I do not want a man who thinks drinking alcohol is okay and is not haram [ alahey ka allah waxaas sameyn maayo waa i taqaanaa dee ].

I do not want a man who smokes. I do not want a man who is selfish and stubborn. I do not want a man who lies. I do not want a man who is not proud of where he is from originally. I do not want a man who does not know how to lower his gaze when there are other women in the room [ yaa oo ma indhoole ayaan ahay ]. I do not want a man who can easily joke with the opposite sex in front of me [ uuh].

I do not want a man who doesn’t know his boundaries with the opposite sex. I do not want a man who thinks he’s going to throw all the house-work on me simply because I am a woman. I do not want a man who thinks he can go out with his friends every night and ignore me. I do not want a man who is emotionally cold. I do not want a man who is going to embarrass me in front of his friends or relatives with a word or two. waawareey

I do not want a man who does not show me any affection, only when he is in the mood. I do not want a man who is not going to show me how much he loves me. I do not want a man who is going to treat me like a slave. I do not want a man who is going to treat me like a second-class citizen. Nor do I want a man who is going to treat me like a child. I think I just said that, but I’ve said it again. I don’t want a man who will take advantage of me.[ hey is qabooji islaanta cuqdada aa kaa buuxdee bisnka ]

I do want a man who is loving. I do want a man who respects me and holds me in high esteem, who trusts my judgement and intellect. Who admires me. I do want a man who is romantic. He doesn’t have to copy what the movies show. He can make up his own romantic gestures, as long as it is coming from him I don’t mind. I do want a man who is understanding and broad minded. I do want a man who will not judge me harshly. Nor force me to make choices that I do not want to take. I do want a man who likes children and who wants to be successful for our sake. [ haa waa sameynaa walaahi see waaye xariif aan ahee ]

I do want a man who is a good listener and will talk to me and listen to me. I do want a man who can’t live without me because I matter to him, because I complete him. I do want a man who values me. I do want a man who is a man, a real man. A man who is courageous, a man who is honest, a man who loves the Prophet and wants to follow his manners and peaceful, kind way. He doesn’t have to grow a tree of a beard, nor does he have to pray 100 times a day. I do want a simple man who loves Allah and has good manners, who does what he can, who is not extreme, nor a hypocrite. a real man aaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

I do want a man who is kind to animals. Who likes cats like me. I want a man who is an intellectual, who likes to analyse things like I do. I do want a man who cares for poor people, who likes to give without being stingy. I do want a man who cares about social issues and wants to make a change, however small. I do want a man who knows that one day he will die and meet his Lord, so he wants to be a good human so that he can take me and our children to Jannah. naa maxaad taqaanaa baadiyaa lagaa keeney shalayee

I do want a man who actually takes my opinion on matters and listens to my advice. I want a man who lets me live how I want, whether I want to work or not, whether I want to spend my money on stuff or not. I want a man who is funny, who likes to make me laugh so he can feel good. I want a man who is not afraid to let down his guard and run in my arms because he has had a bad day. I want a man who sees me as his best friend, the first person he’ll come to when he has a problem, or when he has good news. I do want a man who will love every moment he spends with me, who thanks God that he is married to me.

I do want a man who won’t burden me with in-law problems, who will stand up gently and diplomatically to relatives who try to hurt me. I do want a man who is kind and gentle, who is giving and who trusts me completely. I do want a man who loves people from all walks of life and is not snobby to the less fortunate. I do want a man who takes me out on dates even after we are married, so it feels like we are still courting. Who’ll take me to cinemas, or just out to eat, holding hands and enjoying our time together, saying whatever comes in our minds and loving it.

I do want a man who does not have personality complexes, who is just a simple guy with good dreams and ambitions, who is spontaneous when he wants to be, who wants to make me happy. I do want a man who is good-looking to me, who is my type, who fills me with chemistry and electricity. I want a man who thinks it’s wonderful that I want to start our honeymoon with an Umrah first so that God can bless our marriage. Who thinks that praying two prayers for God on our first night together is a sweet idea so that we are spiritually happy and blessed. There is so much to him that I want to list, but it will take an eternity.



I think my kind of man is nothing extraordinarly special.

He is just human.

A good human.

The way humans are meant to be.

alahey ka alaah waxas oo dhan ma kuu sameyn karo naayaa ee isqabooji oo cagaha meel dhig weli aakhiri lama aadine ehehehe

Happy To Be Alone

Am I allowed to be comfortable in my own skin, or must I be part of a “couple” in order to be happy and accepted. The soap operas I watch portrays the theory that a man can’t be alone. If he has just broken up with someone, he will find someone else soon after. His “single” status is always temporary, lasting a few months, if not a few weeks.

I know that relationships and marriage are a natural course of life. But are we too scared to live in our own skins that we are in a constant rush to find the next “perfect” relationship? Yaab dheh.

What if I am not ready to have someone enter my life. What if the lifestyle I have created for myself at present does not have room for someone else to enter it with me. Maybe further down the line I could create room, but only when I am ready.

But so many of us are compelled to not be alone, like it is something terrible. Perhaps it is a societal pressure, but I believe deep down some people are just too afraid to be alone. They are not comfortable in their own skin. They need someone else just for the sake of not being alone. But even when they are in a relationship, that “alone” feeling is still there.

Clearly I don’t believe in that. I believe that you can be on your own and be happy. You can fulfill yourself while being alone. Sometimes we don’t meet the love of our life yet because we are not ready for them, it’s some divine plan. Just like Gold is not ready until it is- we are not ready until we are. calaf baa jira waryaada

It’s also popular to see two people who are single and want to set them up together. What if they just aren’t ready? If they have requested to be set up then that’s another story. But why is it so strange to be single and happy and not in a rush for a new relationship?

If it’s because people want us to be happy, then I’m saying I can be happy without a relationship, for now. Then there will come a stage in my life when I want to take the next step, to share my happiness with someone else.

Relationships are not all good. Some relationships can leave people with a hole in their heart from the pain they have suffered. So why rush into something for the sake of not being single when it can have a devasating effect on one’s life?

I believe in not rushing. I believe that when a flower is ready to bloom, it will. Everything happens in its own time; look around at nature and the way God created it to see that message screaming out at us every day and every night. The sun rises when it is ready, when it is its time. So will we. cagaha aan meel dhigno dee oon nasano

We are happy in our single lives. I don’t need someone else to take me out of my supposed single misery. My life hasn’t started or stopped just because I haven’t yet met the woman of my life. naag aan raadinayo maba jiraane ee hee dheh na dhaaaaaaaaaf

Just because I am single, doesn’t mean I’m constantly on the look out for a woman. It doesn’t mean marriage is on my mind twenty-four seven. It doesn’t mean that if there is a good gabar who is single, then I have to be thrown into her arms immediately. It will happen when I’m ready. mase dhowa ehehehe

And I am comfortable in my own skin. When I meet “her”, I know I’ll be comfortable in our skin. It’s just a matter of when I’m ready. When I’ve met the right person. When I’m marrying for the right intentions and not just for the sake of having an accessory called a “wife” on my arm to show off that I am not alone. walaahi ha kaayabin taas

Those who have rushed are regretting it. They didn’t take the time to get to know themselves, to love themselves, to know who they really are and what their purpose in life is. They had believed their only purpose was to grow up and find someone to marry. Then reality hit them. It’s later in life when they feel it is important to know who they are, to fulfil their dreams. They wished they could have done so when they were single, instead of rushing after an idea.

The idea that you can’t be alone, you need your lady charming or you’ll be destined to an eternal coma like Sleeping Beauty. Until princess charming comes along and takes you out of your paralysis. Although we are in the 21st century, so many modern societies still believe in this idea. aniga kuma jiro kuwaasi walaahi markhaati ka ahaada nooh

And some people believe you truly become an adult when you are married. I think you become an adult when you learn how to live with yourself, happilly, content, knowing that you’re not really alone and many other factors that contribute to you being an adult. Just look around you. You have God, you have your family, you have your friends. Somali oo dhan.

You have yourself. Love yourself and you won’t be in a constant rush to find something to fill the void you feel. Love yourself and you will not feel so alone. walaahi been ma ahan ee adiga is jecloow, inta aad dad islaameed raadinaysid

Why, you’ll be in the company of God. And the second most precious thing: you’ll be in the company of “you”. adiage bes waryaa ee naga daa guur tabar uma haynee Anigaaba nafteyda khaati bilaahi ka joogee. Ciddii guur soo hadal qaadaa walaaylaal,albaaka tusa nooh oo dhaha war na dhaaaaaaaaaaaaf

Thank You, Halima

I have the biggest grin on my face, my cheeks are beginning to hurt, but the pain is a lovely one. My heart has warmed up suddenly, I am happy. Really happy and all because of one person, Halima, the sweetest sister, who randomly surprised me with a beautiful poem she wrote to me. I’ve never had anyone write me a poem, and if I ever imagined that, I couldn’t have pictured such a lovely heartfelt poem as hers.

Thank you Halima. I’m in a cold place at the moment, and you just bought rays of sunshine to my world. Jazak Allah Kheyran, I’ll end this now before it becomes a soppy, teary post. I know I will shed a tear later on when I’m alone. I just wanted to share a genuine feeling and experience. That love for the sake of Allah has no limits, it even goes beyond cyber-world. To the whole world, Halima, I love you for the sake of Allah! (And to everyone else reading this of course!)

express delivery: poetry for Kalif

if you feel lonely and have
had a bad day
i know a place where all bad vibes go away

in Kalif we seek
the advice we need to succeed

his stories will send chills
down your spine
and you will find you are hooked
line after line

his style and confidence we all admire
of his words we never tire

to read his words all of
mankind he invites
and he encourages women
to fight for their rights

come to Kalif to find
stories that will touch your heart and mind

Walaashaa Halima

A Letter To My Online Lover

Walaal, it is hard to understand why you romantically like me, although we have never met. It can be flattering, to have an admirer, but it is complicated on the Internet. You see, it’s not me you really like, it’s the idea you have of me. All I am to you is words on a screen. intaa uun baad igu jeclatey miyaa, walaal. A true story of Somali girl who once was my Online Lover.

I edit these words. Sometimes I may hide how I am really feeling. My true self is not shown. I don’t discuss much of my personal life. There are many things I choose not to discuss. You may have many things in common with me, you may feel an attraction, but it is all in your mind.

On the Internet our imaginations are left to make up for what we can’t see. We build on words, fantasising how lovely this special person is. How wonderful they would be as a husband or wife. We create a world that does not exist. And we end up hurt and alone.

Walaal, I’m not being cruel, I’m just giving realistic advice. You can meet wonderful people on the Internet, for sure, but to have romantic feelings for someone without meeting them, to be romantically attached to someone, that is difficult for me to believe in. Sure, people have met on the Internet and gelled conversation-wise and then met in real life where they got to know each other all over again and then began a relationship. But romantically liking or even loving someone on the Internet before meeting them, believing they can be a good husband or wife, how can that be? Ma Ogi walaahi

You don’t know how I laugh. You don’t know how I sit. You don’t know how I smile. You don’t know how I look like when I talk. You don’t know if I laugh like a hyena to the point where it disgusts you. You don’t know if I’m ugly or obese. You don’t even know if I’m your type. You don’t know if you will be attracted to me when you actually meet me. We may have nothing to say to each other in real life. You don’t know how I am when I get angry. You don’t know how my voice sounds. You don’t know if I have a third eye tucked in my face somewhere. You just don’t know who I really am. Maba i taqaanid maxaad ii jeclaatey toloow

If you say you have seen my picture and heard my voice, I’d still say how do you know you like me? You’ve never met me. You’ve never spoken to me in a realistic setting, face-to-face, where we can talk to each other and see if anything clicks, if there is the possibility of building a relationship.

If you tell me that other people have had relationships on the Internet and then met each other and continued, I’d tell you that is a rare event. It doesn’t happen to everyone, and I doubt it could happen to us, simply because I do not believe in investing all my energy in someone I have never met. Someone I may completely dislike when I meet them. Someone I may want to avoid in the future.

You see Walaal, you just don’t know on the Internet. I may sound nice and delicate through my words, but I may be totally and completely different in real life. saa weeye walaal

Sometimes when we spend a lot of time alone, or we are stressed out with work, we begin to create an alternate reality on the Internet, where we may spend a lot of our time. We put so much energy into an idea that doesn’t exist; you romantically liking someone you have never met. Then in the end you are either hurt or you are dissapointed. Sorry Yaakhey

So Walaal, I don’t want you to get hurt. Anaylse your thoughts once more and realise that you are chasing dreams that don’t exist. If it sounds like harsh advice, then I am sorry. Sometime it’s better to be cruel to be kind. Sow ma ahan walaal

In the long run, you’ll thank me. waad mahadsantahay walaal ee aan wada kulano marka hore, sow ma fiicna abaayo.

GoodBye Aunt Xalimo

At 70, my Aunt, Xalima, has passed away and joined her God. It is a fate we have all been dreading, for she was loved dearly. To describe her as a great woman would be an understatement and would do her no justice. She was one of those unique women who struggled so much in life, who witnessed so many loved ones pass away before her. Her 35 year old son had just passed away two years ago, which broke her already-broken heart.

She was one of those women who stood for something, like truth and justice. She always spoke the truth, never afraid to show what was right, in a world which always seems to stand for what is wrong. And she always asked us to pray for her to join God. She was ready to go. She was so tired. Ill and broken-hearted, she had accomplished her life’s mission time and time again.

And after a few days in a coma, this morning was her time to leave the world and leave us with so much to think about. Her burial is later today. I wish I could have been there when she took her last breath. I would like to write a story of her life. I would like to show everyone what a true Muslim woman my eedo Xaliimo was. I am sad that I didn’t spend a lot of time with her and I didn’t visit her last year. But still, I know she is happy now. I only hope I have a tenth of what she had. So I can leave something valuable behind, for those who come after me.

Oh, My Dear

It’s something I am terrified of. It’s something that I detest. It’s something that makes me sad. Every-time I see this act being committed, I silently ask God to save us.It’s about living life, giving birth, doing everything for your children, sacrificing your heart and soul to see them grow up to be good Muslims, successful humans. All your family members are around you. They depend on you. They are all you live for.

Then you grow old. You can’t look after yourself properly. You look at the mirror and wonder how the years passed by so quickly. Your children have moved on, which is fine because that’s how life goes. And your husband has passed away. It’s now you and the mirror that you are left alone with. The mirror that reminds you that nothing stays the same, except God.

Your children get married and live in their own homes. They start to find it a burden to visit you. Their wives or husbands also find it a burden when you stay in their homes for a few days.

No one wants you.

But they won’t let you live alone. You can hardly do anything for yourself anymore. You slipped in the bathroom last week and the pain has weakened your back and knees. It still hurts when you sit down.

While you sit on your prayer mat, your children are deciding how you will live the remainder of your days.

SubhanAllah. It was you who used to plan their lives. They were the ones who were dependent on you. Now the roles have reversed.

Everyone is too busy to look after you. They do have their own lives. No one is prepared to have you live with them. So the inevitable happens.

They send you to a nursing home. Against your will, they tell you its for your own good. You feel let down by the people you gave your life to. You believe you can live on your own, you can still walk around slowly. But your children don’t see it that way.

You sit in a small room. It is your new bedroom. Next door there are other bedrooms like yours. Filled with women around your age. It is a nice place, but you don’t want to be there. You want to be with your loved ones, you want to be in a home that is yours. The home that has so many memories for you.

They promise to visit you every day. You look forward to these visits. But they become less frequent. Slowly it becomes months until you see them again. The grandchildren don’t really know who this old woman is and why they have to visit her on the weekend.

Slowly a year passes by and it is only in Ramadan when they remember you. Your heart has already broken, but it breaks again. But you make excuses for your children, you see the best in them, you know they are busy, like you once were.

You are forgotten. Discarded. The hadith about the Prophet asking a man not to go to battle and instead looking after his old parents would be considered a jihad, runs through your head from time to time. If only your children knew of this, you think. You believe you wouldn’t be a burden. You are a quiet person, you’ll be out of the way, in your room, reading the Qur’an, praying, sleeping. And you won’t eat a lot, your appetite has decreased considerably over the years. You can even talk to your grandchildren, teach them some of the wisdom and experiences you have had throughout your years. Maybe they could learn something from your life.

Everyday you look at the door, imagining that your children burst through and take you home, telling you how wrong they were for leaving you in a place like this, all alone, all forgotten. Everyday the doors don’t burst open. Your children do not come anymore.

You feel like a little baby, wishing your parents would come and pick you up, hug you and take you to your safe place.

But it isn’t to be.

You come into this world alone.

And you leave this world alone.

But is it our destiny to spend our last days alone?

I love you, Saaxiibyaal

Years ago I thought there was only one type of love. You know, the Hollywood romance, slow music plucking at your soul while you watch two people in love run towards each other on a golden beach. And love towards a friend, well that existed too, if they did something for you in your life that held some meaning.

Then I discovered a different type of love. A realistic one. A true one. Something pure. Not associated with materialistic possessions, like hanging around with Maxamed because he has an amazing sports car, or going round Shamsa’s house all the time because she has a beautiful stereo system you can both jiggy with.

No. This love is a type of love that is going to make the Prophets jealous of the friends or couples on the Day of Judgement. Now that made my mouth drop. Two people who love each other purely for the sake of Allah, that will get you sitting on high pillars on the Day of Judgement, shining bright with Allah’s light, while the Prophets and sincere martyrs watch in envy down below. Hah! lool

I thought it was hard, years back, when I learnt of the concept of loving someone for the sake of Allah. I didn’t really get it at first. But you slowly get the hang of it. Learning to love someone purely for who they are, not what they own. Learning to love someone for the sake of Allah makes you a better person, and makes the other person better too, because you both strive to do good things and never engage in things that are questionable. sax saaxiib

Friends for the sake of Allah will never use you, belittle you, oppress you or hurt you. They will actually do the opposite. And I learnt that this type of love has no boundaries, it has technological abilities to actually extend itself on the Internet, where Somali sisters and brothers love each other for Allah’s sake. They have a laugh together, support each other, and mostly they understand each other. You’re left feeling a soft glow inside your heart, a candle has been lit by this person and that person, for no other reason but the fact that they love the person you are, the believer you have become, the soul that they will meet in another life time.

Not all Somali can possess this type of love. Even those Somalis who claim to be religious but are in fact twisting religion to suit their needs or just to hide behind it like a mask, will not know how to love for Allah’s sake. They only know how to hate. And that’s a shame. ceeb badanaa.

It’s a beautiful feeling between friends. So imagine between husband and wife? Knowing that even if the other half makes you mad, you learn to compromise and tolerate because you love that person for Allah’s sake, because you know Allah is the most Merciful, al rahman, so why wouldn’t you be?

It fulfils one’s life, but we have to work at it to earn it, to maintain it, to keep it going. We have to check our intentions and make sure we are not doing anything to hurt the other person, not saying anything that will make the other person uncomfortable. Courtesy is a gracious act that Islam has taught us. soow ma'ahan walaalayaal

I thank Allah for the gift of love. It is a beautiful blessing and does not limit itself to humans. It can be towards nature, animals, so many things have been created for us to love. Alxamdulliaahi

So for those of you who have love as a blessing in your life, cherish it, look after it, have a smile on your face for having that merciful feeling inside your beautiful heart that glows with this precious light. waalayaal saaxiibtinimo waa shay qaali ee xajista yaah.

And before I leave you with those thoughts, I’d like to say a few words that won’t take any more of your time. I love you for the sake of Allah my dearest Somali friends.

***

Hadiths and Qur’an:

Allah will ask on the Day of Judgment: “Where are those who loved each other for the sake of My glory? Today, on a day when there is no shade but Mine, I shall shade them with My shade.” (Muslim)

***

“Among Allah’s servants are people who are neither prophets nor martyrs, but whom the prophets and martyrs will deem fortunate because of their high status with Allah.” The Companions asked, “O Messenger of Allah! Inform us of who they are.” The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) told them that they are people who loved each other for Allah’s sake, even without being related to one another or being tied to one another by the exchange of wealth.

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) went on to describe their great reward on the Day of Resurrection: “By Allah, their faces will be luminous and they will be upon light. They will feel no fear when the people will be feeling fear, and they will feel no grief when the people will be grieving.” Then he (peace and blessings be upon him) read the verse: [Behold! verily on the friends of Allah there is no fear, nor shall they grieve] (Yunus 10:62). (Abu Dawud)

***

Seven types of people who will enjoy Allah’s shade on a day when there is no shade but His. Among those mentioned are “two men who love each other for the sake of Allah, meeting for that reason, and parting with this love (still cherished by both of them)” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim).

Can You Save Me

He tread firmly on the snow, observing a white, pure, innocent Minnesota that had given him a home for a year now. “One whole year” he whispered, adjusting the bag on his back, taking small, yet firm steps towards the bridge that stood before him. It was almost dark, eerily shadows cast on the ground from street lamps made everything seem surreal. Ibrahim thought of his past, the mistakes he had made, the hearts he had broken, the lives he had destroyed. He walked towards the centre of the bridge, the bag on his back getting heavier, the sins that he carried, the lives he needed to repay.

Reaching his destination he carefully stood on the ledge of the bridge, making sure no one was around to stop him. The wind had ceased, giving him a clear night with a starry sky. He stood, balanced, the bag filled with bricks would make sure his death would come quickly. It was the only way he knew how to repent from all the lives he had destroyed, with his lies, with his charms, with his intelligence. He never forgot what he did in Mogadishu, Somalia

Ibrahim looked at his watch. He should have been at an office meeting, where he would find out if his promotion was successful. He had applied for it months ago. But it didn’t matter to him now. Nothing good should happen to Ibrahim. Nothing good.aakhiraa u socdaa bye bye

The icy breath he drew in almost chilled his bones. It was so cold. It would be colder down there too, he thought, looking at the icy water below.

His heart suddenly shivered with deep sadness. He wished there could be another way to start over, to repent. But he had lived alone all his life and he didn’t have a counsel to tell him what else he could do. All he knew were from the dark side, business men who stole, lied to people, broke women’s hearts, killed innocent people. Just like he did.

He closed his eyes and took his last breath, but something made him put his right foot back on the ledge. A voice, distant at first, but clearer by the minute did it become. “Don’t do it,” he saw a young woman with a scarf wrapped around her hair walk slowly towards him. Fear and hope reflected in her eyes.

Time stopped as they looked at each other for what Ibrahim thought would be the first and last time…

***
You decide how this short story ends. Will Ibrahim jump off? Or will the Muslim woman save him? Or will something else happen? It’s up to you! akhristayaal

Virginity

Virginity has been such a talked about subject that it almost seems like a cliche to mention the word. But we mostly speak about it in terms of the woman’s virginity. Now women can actually cheat and become born-again virgins if they want to by having surgery. But for men, we can never really know, unless we force them on a lie-detector test. It’s just the way they were made. Who said life was fair?

Perhaps because the woman is a valuable, precious thing; like a virgin cave unentered is normally covered with spider webs to prevent intruders. But does that mean men are not valuable? yaa rag wax kufalaaya

When women come to the age of marriage and consider each suitable suitor, lamaane, the question often hangs in the air: are you a virgin, Mr. Suitor? You can’t really ask unless he wants to tell. But even then, won’t you be heart broken that he didn’t save himself for you? That he has had experience with someone else? That he wasn’t patient enough to wait for the first time to be with his bride?

Is there education about this among Somali Muslim communities from parents and schools? I mean, there is definitely education towards the woman. From a young age she is taught to preserve her virginity until her wedding night. What about men? Do their parents tell them to preserve their virginity? Or is it because “it doesn’t show” if he is a virgin or not, then it doesn’t matter? yaa u war haya waxaan oona sameynayaa miyaaaaaaaaaaa

Have we come to this? To only care about appearances? Seriously? What about preserving your virginity because you actually want to save yourself for the person you love, the person you will marry? Why do men have to experiment before marriage? Don’t they know they can contract all sorts of diseases that can risk future relationships and maybe even their own children?

Maybe in some societies people do educate their men to save themselves, to preserve their virginity, before marriage, I wouldn’t know. But it is so sad that there is such a buzz for women to save their virginity to the point where now they can deceive men and have surgery. This is from the pressure they face. Maybe they are even subconsciously rebelling because they know men have freedom to explore their options too. I don’t know. yaab dheh

It’s a sensitive subject, not one often discussed because Somali people regard it as a taboo, but we should start addressing these crucial issues because sometimes it’s these issues that destroy marriages. When suspicion breeds into the relationship, each partner wonders if they can trust the other (if they told them of their past). Some women even worry if the husband is going to start comparing her to the women he was with in the past. That can break a lot of trust and self-confidence in a relationship.

I know as well as most of you that men and women are equal in front of God. So a sin for a man is a sin for a woman. Having sex outside marriage is a sin in many religions, including Islam.

But some men are so casual about it, believing that because they don’t bleed like the woman does when her virginity is broken, that there is nothing to worry about. Maybe it’s a test, to see if men are more concerned about society and appearance, rather than fearing God. I don’t know.

What I do know is that there are many women who want their men to be virgins.

It’s what men expect from their women, why can’t women expect it from their men?

A Mother's Journey

I’ve known caasho for eight years. A sweet girl at twenty-nine, Caasho is extremely happy. She married when she was eighteen. I met her when she was twenty-two. From day one she confided in me and told me her deepest secret, her greatest wish.She wanted to have a baby. They had been trying for several years but every-time she took out the pregnancy test, it showed her that her wish was not yet to be fulfilled. alaahu akbar

I remember Caasho always asking me to make duaa for her, always asking those she trusted to pray that God would give her the thing she has wanted most in her life; to have a baby of her own. ilaahoow is isii cunug waa kubaryaayeeeeee

I remember searching for specific duaas for her to say. I remember reading the Qur’an and bringing out verses that she could read which were duaas to God. I remember remembering her no matter where I was in the world, she would pop into my head and I would immediately make duaa for her, wishing she would get her wish soon.

I watched Caasho watch others marry and give birth within a few months. I watched her sad smile as she listened to baby stories from mothers. I watched her cry when she confided in me that she really wanted a baby but the doctors were telling her there was a chance that it couldn’t be. Caasho would die to have a baby. She was broody all the time. It ran through her blood, in her veins, it never left her mind. miskiin walaahi

Her in-laws were also pressurising her. But she forgave them. Caasho is like that, a kind soul who sees the best in people. But the pressure increased with her in-laws trying to persuade her husband to marry a second wife in order to have a baby of his own.

I remember Caasho once crying to me, telling me that our friends Xaawo, Fartuun and Layla had all married last year and already given birth. She felt so horrible for admitting that she felt envious. She wanted a baby so much and so did her husband. But her husband stayed by her. They worked through it. He wanted a baby with her and no one else.

It was last year when I had a serious conversation with Caasho, one I will always remember. She told me she thanked God for her faith, otherwise she would have gone crazy. She was twenty-eight and desperate to get pregnant. Throughout the years they had tried everything, she even had an operation which doctors thought would help her get pregnant. It didn’t.

She told me they were going to start IVF in the summer. It was their last option. She asked me to pray for her. Only God knows how much I prayed for her throughout the years. It was as though I was praying for my own sister to be happy. That pure friendship-love where you wish the best for your friend. It’s a rare and beautiful feeling for many in this selfish world.

It was in September when I heard. She was finally pregnant. I heard and cried, tears of joy. Eight years of waiting for her to have her wish come true and it finally did. I cried and met her the next day. We both cried, happy tears, one of the most happiest tears of my life.

And she gave birth two weeks ago to adorable twins. The IVF had worked. For her patience God gave her two babies in one go. Two healthy boys. She named them after two Prophets who had also struggled hard in life and been outstandingly patient.alaahu akbar waawareey bood bood dheh. kor u bood dhulka ku dhac farxad badanaa waaaaaw yaakhey seewaaye

I visited her yesterday. She is glowing. She is a natural mother. Her wish has finally come true after so many years of waiting. She loves me like her own sister and makes duaa for me. She told me she made duaa for me while she was giving birth, because I had asked her to. I thank her for remembering me in such a difficult moment. She has been through so much but still found time to surprise me with a present yesterday because of my being ill. Caasho really touched my heart because she had remembered me. Pure people do really exist. To me she is my long-lost sister. Although we don’t see each other often, we will always have that bond.

While we sat next to the twins, I told her we were witnessing a miracle, in a world that rarely believes in miracles. The miracle of patience being awarded with something better than what she had wanted: twins. The miracle of birth. The miracle of life.

Her husband is looking after her 100%. He is doing the housework and the cooking. Even when Caasho’s guests arrive he prepares the tea and the food and leaves Caasho to serve it. I know many husbands who leave their wives to do everything as before andlook after the baby. But Caasha has been blessed with a loving, understanding husband.

It made me hopeful to be honest and my eyes are filled with tears while I type these words. It makes me hopeful that we can make duaa along with our action of trying to fulfill our dreams and see them come true.

The Connection

As I sit here, typing to you, I have a range of mixed feelings. Happiness and sadness exist as one in my heart and soul. An elevated buzz feeling, the one you usually get after drinking coffee, or shaah macaan exists alongside a heart-falling-to-the-ground-with-a-thump-feeling. My heart is light and heavy at the same time. My eyes wish to cry tears of sadness and tears of genuine appreciation for being blessed. My fingers are heavy as I type this, yet behind them is a force of determination and energy that wishes to…well…to simply….



To belong. Yes. A simple word could mean so much to a human being. I wish to belong. Today I contacted to a few relatives and friends in Africa. These are relatives I have lost touch with because of our busy lives and family problems. When I visit Africa, sometimes we are in the same room and only exchange a few sentences. Not because we are upset with one another.

I have good relations with them. But because of the general busy atmosphere in the gathering that doesn’t allow us to sit and chat like old times. I usually sit there, smiling, enjoying several conversations at once, each person wanting to spend some time talking to me. The important people usually get left behind, like my dear cousins.

We had so much fun when we were little. There is a big age gap between me and my cousins but that never bothered me. I would run and play along with them. Now speaking to them I realised how much I missed them. Missed being a part of their lives.

Then the question hit me. Do I belong to this group of people? When we are in a gathering, am I really a part of this group? We may be united by blood, but are we united by spirit and love? I don’t know. Living abroad makes relationships harder to keep. It makes people forget you. They chat politely with you when they see you. Nothing deep. Just light conversation. Sometimes it’s just a hi and a goodbye from afar from uncles and cousins who are older but who used to chat with me in English (to practice their language skills) when we were younger.

Oh those days. I can just sit here and remember the fun we had. I really felt like I belonged to them back then. Things weren’t complicated back then. Everyone got along with everyone. Or so it seemed. Now relatives fight and argue with one another, creating tension within the extended family. I always try to create peace. And I vow to have better communication with my lovely realtives, even if we are busy. I want to show them my appreciation of them.

I wish they could feel the loneliness that I feel right now. How alone I feel without my family and relatives. They have each other over there. They have a support unit. A community. They gather together when they can, even if they don’t like each other. I don’t like some of my relatives simply because they are rude, but what can we do? Forgive and move on and show them you’re not to be messed around with so they can show some respect. And then they do. And those you don’t like, you can just say hi fiican and bye from afar.

They think we are lucky. Living abroad. They think money grows on the trees. We live in mansions. kaalay imoow waad arki doonta in meeshaan lagu wareerayeee

Don't Cut it Off, Adeer

Luul and her sisters were playing with their dolls when their aunt and mother entered the room with stern looks on their faces. Something was up, Luul could tell, maybe they were going to take away their dolls? If only. The next few minutes would be the worst in Luul’s life. It would change her forever. It would make her wary of who to trust. Too young to understand, she thought she was being punished for something she didn’t do. Screaming, her whole body shaking uncontrollably, the ritual began. alaala aaaboow aabooow.

This is a true story of millions of Muslim girls worldwide including somali girls subjected to the unnecessary ritual of circumcision. They base it on religious grounds, although many scholars have stated that there is no authentic source that states circumcision of females to be obligatory.

Perhaps it was derived out of patriarchal culture? The female part which is circumcised, the kintir, [clitoris] has only one function, which is purely to feel pleasure. Perhaps men don’t want women to feel pleasure, they are the only ones entitled to that. Or perhaps mothers are worried that females may masturbate before marriage, which is why they cut it (or parts of it) off. yaab dheh walaahi ma ogi waxaan maqlo mooyee

Whatever the original reason, they deny the female the right to feel pleasure from her husband. At a young age they are inflicted with tormenting pain. Luul had her hands covered with henna as part of the “celebration”. She still has nightmares of that day. She is made to believe that a part of her is evil and has to be rid of. How sad.

Sheikh Ahmed Ali from Canada has clearly said:

Because there is no absolute proof from the sources of Islam prescribing female circumcision, the vast majority of scholars do not include it in the OBLIGATORY rituals of Islam.

It is common knowledge in Islam that if the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, had wanted female circumcision to be an integral aspect of religious practice in Islam the same way that male circumcision is, he would have said so clearly. Since he did not do so, we can safely assume it is not a prescribed ritual of Islam. yaa kamurmaaya gacanta taag nooh

We know there have been many campaigns to stop this ritual towards females and at least educate people to know that it is not a religious obligation. But sadly these campaigns come to late for some women. Several Somali women I’ve spoken to admit that they find sex extremely painful because they were circumcised. But even some women believe it is the right thing to do. Perhaps they have had their own circumstances to believe so. xaasidiin kuwaas walaahi.

This ritual still continues. Girls like Luul have a part of them taken away from them without their permission. our sisters were supposed to own their bodies, they were supposed to pride in each and every cell God has blessed us with.

But the clitoris is seen as dangerous to a woman. If she finds out the pleasure it can bring her, then it is believed she is doomed to hell. It seems as though women are not to be trusted, they are little children who may play with the wrong thing and get punished for it.

But women have a mind of their own. Women are intelligent. They can keep their private parts to themselves and wait till marriage to experience pleasure with their husbands. Men are circumcised but it does not remove their pleasure sensors. Why is it that the woman has to sacrifice part of herself because her sexuality is seen as dangerous? kajwaab abaayo dee ileen aniga nin baan ahaye

Not all women are the same. Many are pure, God-fearing women who can control their sexual desires (unlike many men who can’t). waan hubaa taas dood ma leh. It’s about time we look at the real picture. This is about men fearing that their potential wives may feel sexual desires (and not necessarily act upon them) before they meet their husbands. That may make them feel inferior.

Some men just have to be on top. ma saasaa mise wax kale weeye. walee rag waa kibreen waa ina lidbiyaa damn.

Between her Heart and Mind

Must I get married to someone I don’t love, or even want? Saynab thought to herself as she sipped her evening tea. Her light black eyes gazed wistfully into the creamy mixture which let out its steam, escaping from the cup wrapped tightly in her hands.

Saynab Xaaji sighed slowly, taking another sip, allowing the delightful sugary liquid to wet her lips; her tongue tasted the richness of the tea; her throat and stomach immediately felt warmer. iyada oo xaax xaax xaaax leh yaab dheh inanyaheey. But that wasn’t any consolation to the pounding question that had driven saynab out in the desert, far from the noise, pollution and people. She felt as suffocated as the tea probably felt in her cup. If only she could evaporate like the steam and find some relief.

“Shaaha ma macaan yahay?” a young waiter stepped in, gently placing a desert menu on the table. Her thoughts were interrupted as she looked up and smiled, “Mahadsanid, shukran“. Everything was fine, she thanked him.

As the waiter disappeared, she absentmindedly reached out for the leather-cased menu, tracing her fingertips around the flowery patterns.

It was the feel of the leather that brought back the memories which had driven her to this part of town. It was a leather notebook that her mother had opened a week ago, where she had made a call to a friend. A friend that wanted to meet up the next day.

It was there that Saynab met Ahmed. A young, successful man who was a manager in an big company. At twenty-eight he was religious oo gar dheer leh, travelling to Umrah in the following days and was also financially stable. He had a sense of humour and was kind and polite. Her mother and her friend thought Saynab would fall head over heels.oo ah iney caashaq la suuxi doonto kolka ay aragto duqaan laacibka ah

But she didn’t. There was no chemistry. No attraction, iney fiiriso iskaba daaye. She didn’t think he was her type. He was plain looking but not someone Saynab would find attractive. His personality was alright, she thought, but from talking to him, she realised they had nothing in common. They were two worlds apart. yaa u sheega duqa in aqoontiisa iyo lacagtiisa loo baahneyn

It was the next day when her mother received a phone call from her friend. Ahmed had fallen head over heels. He wanted another meeting the next day. He wanted to spend some time with Saynab and her family. Especially so that he could talk to Saynab and get to know her.

Saynab refused kindly. She explained the reasons to her mother, but they weren’t satisfactory. Her mother’s friend didn’t understand Saynab. She believed he was a good catch. Moderately religious and a successful career man, what else would a woman want in a husband? dee gabdhu miyey waaltey naa lacagta qaado see waaye

What about love, she had pointed out, to which they laughed. Love my dear, the Aunt had said, comes after marriage, when you both learn to live with each other through the good and the bad.

What if I don’t want to live with him? What if I can’t stand him as a husband? What if I just don’t find him to be the man I am looking for? Saynab had protested iyada oo qaylinaysa.

Well what are you looking for? One of these handsome actors on the television? This is all fake my dear, do not get caught up in that world. Attraction and looks won’t last in a marriage. This man is a good catch, don’t let him slip through your fingers, I am warning you, the Aunt had told her on the phone. juuqa danbe ma leh naayaa

saynab, confused from what she was hearing, decided to speak to her best friend. Don’t listen to your mother’s friend, they’re from the olden ages, they had arranged marriages so she’s speaking in the way she’s used to. We are entitled to love and be attracted to the man we want to marry, but it shouldn’t be the sole basis. Religion, his manners and his success should also come into the package. naga daa reer baadiyaashaas yaakhey waa laga qakhin baxee see waaye.

So what should I do? Saynab had asked her friend. Tell them you need a chance to think about it before you can make any decision, her friend suggested.

Which is why a week had passed, the deadline nearing. Saynab checked her watch.

In two hours she would have to tell her mother if she was prepared to go ahead with this or not. Her mother insisted that saynab should at least meet Ahmed for another meeting; maybe her initial judgement was wrong.

But Saynab was one hundred percent sure she wouldn’t change her mind. boqolkiiba boqol waaye. Did she have to tell them that she thought he was ugly? That he was not her type? She would be looking at this man for the rest of her life, he had to at least be appealing to her. And the hours they had spent talking, she knew they were different. qurux bes aan rabaa rabaah.

She was no child. At twenty-seven, a successful nurse, Saynab knew herself. She was positive, even after making several istakhara prayers, that she wasn’t making a hasty decision.

But her Aunt and mother had made an impact on her. Her mother and friend didn’t talk about anything else other than this man. Are you sure about your decision? Really sure?They kept insisting that she give the man a chance. He was besotted with Amirah from the moment they met. He knew this was the woman he had been looking for. Beauty, religion, success. He was confident that Saynab would also be interested in him. Would the fact that she wasn’t hurt his ego?

Looking up at the crescent moon, Saynab left her peaceful abode and headed towards her car. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do. She had never felt so pressurised before.

But what if her mother was right? What if this was the only good man she would meet. What if she just learned to live with him, with no love. Just financial security. But he would figure it out. He would look into her eyes and know she felt nothing. Wouldn’t that hurt him more in the long run?

It was a decision between her heart or her mind. And Saynab was torn between the two. miskiin dheh ilaahoow u gargaar islaanta aamiin usoo duceeya yaakhey