Between her Heart and Mind

Must I get married to someone I don’t love, or even want? Saynab thought to herself as she sipped her evening tea. Her light black eyes gazed wistfully into the creamy mixture which let out its steam, escaping from the cup wrapped tightly in her hands.

Saynab Xaaji sighed slowly, taking another sip, allowing the delightful sugary liquid to wet her lips; her tongue tasted the richness of the tea; her throat and stomach immediately felt warmer. iyada oo xaax xaax xaaax leh yaab dheh inanyaheey. But that wasn’t any consolation to the pounding question that had driven saynab out in the desert, far from the noise, pollution and people. She felt as suffocated as the tea probably felt in her cup. If only she could evaporate like the steam and find some relief.

“Shaaha ma macaan yahay?” a young waiter stepped in, gently placing a desert menu on the table. Her thoughts were interrupted as she looked up and smiled, “Mahadsanid, shukran“. Everything was fine, she thanked him.

As the waiter disappeared, she absentmindedly reached out for the leather-cased menu, tracing her fingertips around the flowery patterns.

It was the feel of the leather that brought back the memories which had driven her to this part of town. It was a leather notebook that her mother had opened a week ago, where she had made a call to a friend. A friend that wanted to meet up the next day.

It was there that Saynab met Ahmed. A young, successful man who was a manager in an big company. At twenty-eight he was religious oo gar dheer leh, travelling to Umrah in the following days and was also financially stable. He had a sense of humour and was kind and polite. Her mother and her friend thought Saynab would fall head over heels.oo ah iney caashaq la suuxi doonto kolka ay aragto duqaan laacibka ah

But she didn’t. There was no chemistry. No attraction, iney fiiriso iskaba daaye. She didn’t think he was her type. He was plain looking but not someone Saynab would find attractive. His personality was alright, she thought, but from talking to him, she realised they had nothing in common. They were two worlds apart. yaa u sheega duqa in aqoontiisa iyo lacagtiisa loo baahneyn

It was the next day when her mother received a phone call from her friend. Ahmed had fallen head over heels. He wanted another meeting the next day. He wanted to spend some time with Saynab and her family. Especially so that he could talk to Saynab and get to know her.

Saynab refused kindly. She explained the reasons to her mother, but they weren’t satisfactory. Her mother’s friend didn’t understand Saynab. She believed he was a good catch. Moderately religious and a successful career man, what else would a woman want in a husband? dee gabdhu miyey waaltey naa lacagta qaado see waaye

What about love, she had pointed out, to which they laughed. Love my dear, the Aunt had said, comes after marriage, when you both learn to live with each other through the good and the bad.

What if I don’t want to live with him? What if I can’t stand him as a husband? What if I just don’t find him to be the man I am looking for? Saynab had protested iyada oo qaylinaysa.

Well what are you looking for? One of these handsome actors on the television? This is all fake my dear, do not get caught up in that world. Attraction and looks won’t last in a marriage. This man is a good catch, don’t let him slip through your fingers, I am warning you, the Aunt had told her on the phone. juuqa danbe ma leh naayaa

saynab, confused from what she was hearing, decided to speak to her best friend. Don’t listen to your mother’s friend, they’re from the olden ages, they had arranged marriages so she’s speaking in the way she’s used to. We are entitled to love and be attracted to the man we want to marry, but it shouldn’t be the sole basis. Religion, his manners and his success should also come into the package. naga daa reer baadiyaashaas yaakhey waa laga qakhin baxee see waaye.

So what should I do? Saynab had asked her friend. Tell them you need a chance to think about it before you can make any decision, her friend suggested.

Which is why a week had passed, the deadline nearing. Saynab checked her watch.

In two hours she would have to tell her mother if she was prepared to go ahead with this or not. Her mother insisted that saynab should at least meet Ahmed for another meeting; maybe her initial judgement was wrong.

But Saynab was one hundred percent sure she wouldn’t change her mind. boqolkiiba boqol waaye. Did she have to tell them that she thought he was ugly? That he was not her type? She would be looking at this man for the rest of her life, he had to at least be appealing to her. And the hours they had spent talking, she knew they were different. qurux bes aan rabaa rabaah.

She was no child. At twenty-seven, a successful nurse, Saynab knew herself. She was positive, even after making several istakhara prayers, that she wasn’t making a hasty decision.

But her Aunt and mother had made an impact on her. Her mother and friend didn’t talk about anything else other than this man. Are you sure about your decision? Really sure?They kept insisting that she give the man a chance. He was besotted with Amirah from the moment they met. He knew this was the woman he had been looking for. Beauty, religion, success. He was confident that Saynab would also be interested in him. Would the fact that she wasn’t hurt his ego?

Looking up at the crescent moon, Saynab left her peaceful abode and headed towards her car. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do. She had never felt so pressurised before.

But what if her mother was right? What if this was the only good man she would meet. What if she just learned to live with him, with no love. Just financial security. But he would figure it out. He would look into her eyes and know she felt nothing. Wouldn’t that hurt him more in the long run?

It was a decision between her heart or her mind. And Saynab was torn between the two. miskiin dheh ilaahoow u gargaar islaanta aamiin usoo duceeya yaakhey