Virginity

Virginity has been such a talked about subject that it almost seems like a cliche to mention the word. But we mostly speak about it in terms of the woman’s virginity. Now women can actually cheat and become born-again virgins if they want to by having surgery. But for men, we can never really know, unless we force them on a lie-detector test. It’s just the way they were made. Who said life was fair?

Perhaps because the woman is a valuable, precious thing; like a virgin cave unentered is normally covered with spider webs to prevent intruders. But does that mean men are not valuable? yaa rag wax kufalaaya

When women come to the age of marriage and consider each suitable suitor, lamaane, the question often hangs in the air: are you a virgin, Mr. Suitor? You can’t really ask unless he wants to tell. But even then, won’t you be heart broken that he didn’t save himself for you? That he has had experience with someone else? That he wasn’t patient enough to wait for the first time to be with his bride?

Is there education about this among Somali Muslim communities from parents and schools? I mean, there is definitely education towards the woman. From a young age she is taught to preserve her virginity until her wedding night. What about men? Do their parents tell them to preserve their virginity? Or is it because “it doesn’t show” if he is a virgin or not, then it doesn’t matter? yaa u war haya waxaan oona sameynayaa miyaaaaaaaaaaa

Have we come to this? To only care about appearances? Seriously? What about preserving your virginity because you actually want to save yourself for the person you love, the person you will marry? Why do men have to experiment before marriage? Don’t they know they can contract all sorts of diseases that can risk future relationships and maybe even their own children?

Maybe in some societies people do educate their men to save themselves, to preserve their virginity, before marriage, I wouldn’t know. But it is so sad that there is such a buzz for women to save their virginity to the point where now they can deceive men and have surgery. This is from the pressure they face. Maybe they are even subconsciously rebelling because they know men have freedom to explore their options too. I don’t know. yaab dheh

It’s a sensitive subject, not one often discussed because Somali people regard it as a taboo, but we should start addressing these crucial issues because sometimes it’s these issues that destroy marriages. When suspicion breeds into the relationship, each partner wonders if they can trust the other (if they told them of their past). Some women even worry if the husband is going to start comparing her to the women he was with in the past. That can break a lot of trust and self-confidence in a relationship.

I know as well as most of you that men and women are equal in front of God. So a sin for a man is a sin for a woman. Having sex outside marriage is a sin in many religions, including Islam.

But some men are so casual about it, believing that because they don’t bleed like the woman does when her virginity is broken, that there is nothing to worry about. Maybe it’s a test, to see if men are more concerned about society and appearance, rather than fearing God. I don’t know.

What I do know is that there are many women who want their men to be virgins.

It’s what men expect from their women, why can’t women expect it from their men?